I guess the last post is  a good example of why I shouldn’t post on Sunday afternoons and just let myself recover from the stress. David comments that  I shouldn’t worry about my anxiousness (don’t worry about worrying, heh).  It is helpful to have support from people I care about like him.

I find church work constantly asks a great deal of leaders who try to be sane. That’s how I see cultivating non-reactivity in the face of unregulated behavior.

In the past couple of decades I have gotten a bit better at this.

On Sunday for a small five minute or so period at the end of the time at church I predictably failed in these areas.

I do not withdraw the content of my reaction, only its intensity and lack of control.

I have of course been thinking about Episcopalians and Mary. I think my lack of foresight that praying to Mary to “save us” would upset anyone is related to my own approach to Christianity. This means historically and liturgically.

I don’t approach religion doctrinally. I leave that to others. Praying to the saints and to Mary as one of them is part of my understanding of Christianity. I see it as more of an Eastern orthodox mystical approach which encompasses an idea that the mother of Jesus not only bore him but was actually a god-bearer (theotokos). Which is exactly the way the anthem I introduced (and the words of which were objected to by a choir member) works.

It just doesn’t occur to me to think that the Eastern church is in some kind of doctrinal “error.”

Hell, I’m in error. All humans are, by the way. My own errors include not being able to believe in an anthropomorphic god. But at the same time finding my meaning in life from something that is very close to faith.

(sing it now) I believe in music.

Dang.

I also of course believe strongly in the connections of love I have for my wife and family.

So Sunday I was particularly off balance because my musical passion was high. We had just done a particularly cool service musically. I had just done a post service rehearsal very much the way I planned it and thought it had been successful.

I guess I was a spinning center of lack of objectivity when someone punctured my little balloon.

Then I recalled that my own strong clear understanding of what makes life meaningful is so eccentric.

Whippy skippy, eh?

Yesterday I purged myself as much as possible by having an excellent day. I got up and made apple bread. After Eileen left for work and I deposited my check from my high school musical and then went and leisurely practiced at church.

My practice included some fun moments on the harpsichord as I considered adding some cool (pretty easy for me) pieces to my upcoming recital.

I do love the French baroque (Louie and Francois Couperin). I think the music is elegant, charming and unpretentious.

After practice, I came home and cooked. Made meatloaf and potatoes for carnivorous wife. After visiting her with that, I came home and made Risotto with Winter Squash and Collard Greens (link to recipe)

In between I treadmilled. I ended the day with a very pleasant  phone conversation with Elizabeth the daughter in NY.

Hey. Life is good. Fuck the duck.  Off to treadmill.

Well, I gave it my all today at church as I often do. Went over and retuned the harpsichord for the second time in 24 hours. Rehearsed with the bass player and guitarist. Then with the violinist and cellist. Then with singers and the strings. Prelude was the Bach violin sonata which is probably not by him but is really quite cool in a miniature/baroque-gallant sort of way. The composer wrote a very interesting right hand for the harpsichord. It was actually very musical.

We did two difficult hymn tunes today both by the Anglican Peter Cutts. Didn’t see this coming until last night as I prepared the hymns. The texts were pretty cool (“All who love and serve your city” by Erik Routley … Cutts tune: Baribos … I think that’s the name….. and “Nothing Distress You” adapted from St. Theresa of Avila… that tune was called MANY MANSIONS). I took the choir through the tunes and played them a tad under tempo and the cong actually sang.

After the organ postlude from the Orgelbuchlein, I introduced the choir to Arvo Part’s Ode II which I want to sing on Advent IV. I played them a recording and gave them a little pep talk about the different nature of music that doesn’t move the same way in time as most of the music they sing.

I had the rehearsal pretty planned and took them through all of the Advent anthems. Next week I will introduce Xmas anthems.

After rehearsal I kind of blew it. One choir member objected to the words of the Arvo Part and wondered if we could them in performance. I reacted all over the place. Fuck fuck fuck.

The words pray directly to Mary to “save us.” By this time on Sunday I don’t have any faith left anyway and apparently no non-anxious presence (echo of my tiny daughter saying in the past: You’re not NON-ANXIOUS. You’re NEVER non-anxious).

Probably shouldn’t have shouted about wanting to do something at my church besides “bland, white, middle of the road, Holland” stuff. Yep. Shouldn’t have done that.

I did apologize to the person who didn’t want to pray to Mary musically. But by that time, the choir has skiddoodled.

Oy.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Lazing around this morning, drinking coffee in bed and playing with the internet.

Nothing scheduled today. I do have some stuff to do.

I realized recently that my songs that I wrote for years were a form of personal therapy.

I haven’t really picked up my guitar or thought too much about these songs in the last few years. I think I am changing.

I am spending a lot of time with piano and organ.

I think between historical music and contemporary music like Arvo Part and Messiaen my need for music is being filled without making up guitar type songs.

I still think compositionally. I recently spent quite a bit of time with the first movement of Beethoven’s first symphony. Playing through Lizst’s piano transcription and studying the original score.

My recent obsession with Mendelssohn has caused me to think about the whole classical group of composers from Mozart to Beethoven. I am finding Mendelssohn not only fun to play and listen to, I think his aesthetic was closer to my own than many composers.  He seemed to have a bit of a Hindemthian predilection to write music of various levels of coherence and difficulty.

Listening to early Beethoven is always fascinating when its situated in Haydn’s aesthetic. At least it is to me. Ahem.

I have another busy day planned today, but thought I would blog a bit before I get working.

Yesterday I met with a violinist and cellist in preparation for Sunday’s services at Grace. I proposed to these two fine musicians that we informally consider ourselves a bit of a trio and beginning working on more substantial repertoire. My first suggestion was a Mozart piano trio. They readily agreed and we begin rehearsing next week. I offered to do the leg work and choose a trio to consider.  This will be lots of fun for me.

I also emailed a composer, David Hurd, and asked him about a registration I was considering for one of his organ pieces.

He graciously and immediately emailed me back with his comments and preferences.

I had asked him if I could beef up his setting of “Go Down, Moses” and perform it a bit louder. He gently pointed out the intention of his registration didn’t really lead to adding higher stops (which is how one would make it louder). He suggested I play his setting of “Deep River” as a postlude instead. I have performed this one  before and  I readily agreed.

The reason I was thinking of beefing up the choices of pipes to play his piece with is that my organ has a severely limited range of choices. If I followed his instructions to use only pipes of 8′ or ones that only sound as they are written and not higher or lower, my performance would have been very very very soft.

On a bit of a downer, I found out from my boss at the Worship Commission meeting yesterday that the Church Exec committee approved paying for an ad for my upcoming recital. But they asked me to use the local PFLAG chapter as a charity instead of The Network from GR.

The ad above says it all. Yuck. I googled PFLAG this morning and the local chapter doesn’t seem to have a web site. I will mention to my boss this morning how we aren’t really support gays. We’re supporting people who support gays. But I think its also the best I can get out of my church community right now, so I’m going with it. Although their missions statement mentions bisexual and transgered persons, I do wish their name included them. Ah well.

Woke up this morning on my day off with my head buzzing, processing the past few days. Not that unusual.

Yesterday, I jumped out of bed, made coffee and rushed over to church to tune the harpsichord before the first service. I had decided it would be helpful to the choir to sing the anthem with harpsichord accompaniment. That way they would have experience with performing in public with harpsichord. Also, our anthem by Christopher Tye would sound very nice with it.

I was relieved that the organ repair guy managed to get in to the church while I was off playing a matinee performance of Oklahoma. The organ was making distracting sounds when I tried to open or keep the “box” closed. (N.B. the “box” is the enclosed chamber of pipes which are opened and closed via shutters like ventian blinds).

The rest of the day was a blur of rehearsing and playing the service.  I came home, exhausted but relieved to have lived through high school musical performance week and a full Sunday morning.

I was too tired to cook yesterday. I’m hoping today I will be able to relax, do a little rehearsing on the organ & piano, and meet my wife for her lunch/supper break at work.

Here are a few links and citations of what I have been reading lately, mostly online.

Classical Music Takes Center Stage at the White House by Anthony Thomasini (link)

Besides the inspiring story about the musicians young and old I especially like the part where Joshua Bell makes a public musical goof and is unfazed. Very cool. And encouraging.

Premium Harmony by Stephen King (link)

A new short story in the new New Yorker by Stephen King which shows that men are basically scum. I think King is a good writer despite his rep as a Kmart kind of guy.

John Burns on Karzai, Corruption and Afghanistan (link)

Scroll down through the reader questions/comments and read Burns insightful and informed take on Karzai and the Afghanistan situation.

Msttislav  Rstropovich sat his cello down and played music to celebrate the fall of the Berlin Wall.

France is doing a musical tribute in both his honor and the occasion of the demise of the wall.

“France to Mark Fall of Berlin Wall with Musical Tribute” by Katrin Bennhold (link)

“Where the Swearing is All About Context” by Marc Lacy (link)

While I admit I have been reading my hard copy of this novel, it is available online (link). I am finding the first 150 pages very rewarding and straight forward to read.

I have finished the “Look” section and am reading the “Listen” section. I don’t agree with this dude all the time. In one sentence he compares rock to Beethoven. Unfavorably, of course. I think this might be apples and oranges. But I do find his analogies and insights thought provoking.

I can  never figure out if many people actually read stuff and listen to music and look at art.

Here’s hoping

It amazes me how many ways I have come to use the internet.

I think one is only limited by one’s imagination. I tend to think of the internet as the ultimate reference library combined with ways to connect with an incredible number of real people all over the world.

1. COMMUNICATION My first use of the internet was BBSes (Bulletin Board Systems). When I moved to Holland in 1987 there was a left over phone node from the defunct General Electric factory that connected to the Web. I immediately began telnetting and subscribing to what were called listserves.

Since then, I have developed a reliance on the tech to keep me in contact with the people I care about and am interested in. I have web cammed with grand kids in California, adult children in the U.K. & China.  I use online chat, Facebook and Skype regularly.

2. LIBRARIES This is one of the most amazing things to me: connecting with libraries online. Then searching their catalog and catalogs of libraries they subscribe to. Then ordering the materials.

3. INFORMATION This morning I was reading some letters to the editor in the New York Times online and googled a couple of the writers. I was able to learn enough about them to understand their perspective a bit (One guy was a registered Republican and the other worked for Walter Cronkite for a while).

Yesterday I learned online of the death of two people I am interested in: Paul Manz the respected church musician and organist and Claude Levi-Strauss the influential anthropologist. I chatted back and forth on Facebook with a church musician that I have never met face to face but have connected with for several years online. We discussed Manz. Later I pulled out my copy of Levi-Strauss’s interesting work, “Looking, Listening an Reading.” While reading the first section of this book, I pulled up web sites with copies of paintings he referred to and decided I wasn’t exactly sure what the phrase “trompe l’oiel meant so I looked it up online (it means “trick the eye.)

Checking information online is a huge asset. Of course one has to keep one’s crap detector on full alert. (Howard Gardiner’s term)

4. A ZILLION INSTANT RESOURCES I regularly look to the Internet for actual copies of music both historical/classical and popular. There is a ton of copyright free historical music out there thanks to IMSLP (International Music Score Library Project). And there are places to download sheet music for reasonable fees. Recently I had a wedding reception gig for which I had requests for tunes I didn’t know or have access to. I combined a trip to the local library in person to browse with some online purchases of music (Alicia Keyes and Elton John).

I also have taken to using Amazon’s mp3 downloads. This week I was working on some Saint -Saens and a unfamiliar Bach violin sonata. I was able to download MP3s of the movements I was interested for .99 each in seconds. Not bad.

I also regularly purchase copies of books online, preferably used but not necessarily. I also belong to a Book Exchange online. This is an organization of readers who trade books through the mail. (Link: Paperbackswap) And I download free copies of books to my netbook to read. I use http://manybooks.net/ but there are others.

I bookmark articles and web sites I look at  right online so I can access them from any computer. I use Diigo but there are other ways to this.  I also follow several hundred people on Twitter from my computer. This enables me to find interesting information and people online.

I also do my banking online.  I’m sure I have forgotten ways that I regularly use the internet. But it amazes me everyday.

I missed blogging yesterday. Too busy, I guess. Spent much of the day working on silly church stuff: bulletin article, bulletin announcement of Season Xmas choir, press release of the upcoming Bach cantata movement we are doing on 11/12.

I also spent a lot of time planning Advent/Xmas anthems. I have pretty much decided to do a bit of  the Saint-Saëns Xmas oratorio. He’s not my favorite but the church owns the scores. And I actually do like the first movement of the oratorio which he says is a “Prelude in the style of Sebastian Bach.”

I’m thinking of doing the piece with strings and organ accompaniment. Movement one is instrumental. Movement two has multiple solo recitatives and then a choral rendition of “Glory to God in the highest.” That’s enough.

Also thinking of doing Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus & “And the glory” from Messiah.

Throw in a couple of Burt Carols and an English carol of some sort and that should do for Xmas eve.

I’m more excited about teaching the choir Arvo Part’s “O Most Holy Birth-giver of God.” Planning to do it in an Advent IV Lessons and Carols.

The high school student who sits first chair violin in the high school pit orchestra I’ve been helping is also a pianist. Recently when I mentioned I was developing  a jones for Mendelssohn, he responded that he had learned and performed the third movement of his piano concerto in G minor.

So I have been listening (and playing) this piece. Ay yi yi. This kid probably plays ten times better than me.

This morning while treadmilling I decided to listen to Beethoven’s first symphony. Mendelssohn actually was instrumental in popularizing Beethoven. Mendelssohn seems to have been very important to evolving the 20th century understanding of the importance of historical music even as he championed music being written in his time.

The more I read about him and study his music, the more complex this dude seems to me.

I feel kind of boring. Playing in a pit orchestra for Oklahoma. The music is kind of dopey but I find myself humming it. Then there’s Mendelssohn and now Beethoven symphonies. Also James Joyce. Boring boring old Steve. Too bad. Life is good.

Didn’t sleep well last night. Woke up and put on a full length radio drama rendering of Shakespeare’s Richard the III on BBC (link… five days left to stream it). I don’t know if you know the play, but at the end of the play is the battle that ended the War of the Roses and Richard’s own life.

Apparently, the battle in the play takes place on All Soul’s day (that would be today on the calendar). This seems to be a dramatic device employed by Shakespeare (or someone he took his story from) to enable the dead ghosts of Richard’s nefarious climb to kinghood to visit both him and his rival Richmond. Richmond is the guy who will kill him. The ghosts predict a dire outcome in Richard’s ear and then immediately whisper encouragement into Richmond’s.

Unfortunately the actual historic battle seems to have taken place on Aug 22. This is really okay because the Richard the III of Shakespeare is very different from his real life counterpart, although they both apparently killed their nephews in the tower and were killed themselves in the Battle of Bosworth Field.

I keep thinking about the All Saints celebration I played yesterday. It’s so easy to focus on the things I didn’t do as well as I wanted to in this service: a disguised false start on William Mathias’s Processional (the organ prelude) and the way I didn’t quite pull together my singers on the Stanford anthem conducted from the organ console (while playing).  Interestingly these are the only two I can think of this morning.

I was feeling the usual Sunday afternoon mortification when Eileen pointed out that even when I screw up I do it in a way that is not obvious. That’s a good thing I guess.

During the post game rehearsal one of my new choristers asked me how I thought the anthem went. I tried to answer her honestly and said something like I hadn’t led as well as I wanted to, that there were places where we weren’t as together as I would like us to be.

I’m pretty sure this is a result of people skipping or arriving late to my already shortened and newly convenient Sunday rehearsals. Oy.

But on the other hand, I do realize there were some pretty good musical moments in the service: the opening hymn (For All the Saints) dressed up with three choral stanzas and two descants, the baptism hymn, “Wade in the Water,” during which I pretended I was Ray Charles playing the piano, the Youth choir valiantly leading the congregation through an anthem version of the gospel reading for the day (The Beatitudes), the closing hymn, “Ye Watchers and Ye Holy Ones,” during which I repeated dropped the organ out and listened to the congregation sing the Alleluias in parts and the postlude which was an piano improv on “When the Saints.”   So I guess all in all, my afternoon feelings of hackdom and inadequacy were not totally justified.

I did drag myself over for a practice on the organ and harpsichord in the afternoon.

Came home and chatted with daughter Elizabeth on the phone. That always brightens my day. (Hi Elizabeth… I figure  you’re probably one of three or maybe four people who read this blog from time to time… heh).

Today I have to play a noon gig in Grand Haven. Lead roles from the musical are doing a benefit appearance with the local civic organization that donates money to the school. Last year they paid me an extra fifty bucks. This year they didn’t mention any money. Hopefully they will pay me.

Planning to quit blogging shortly and go over to the church and practice organ and harpsichord before taking off for the drive to Grand Haven.

Have to return in the evening for a rehearsal for Oklahoma. I have rehearsals and performances every night this week.

I keep thinking about why historical classical music  continues to be so important to me. Mostly  I don’t know why. It just is. But if I speculate, I suspect that there is an intrinsic worth to much classical music that is similar to a well written novel or a excellent painting or sculpture. There is an initial reaction (usually but not always attraction).

Often I am attracted to something not only because of the important idea of how it sounds, but I am affected by subjective considerations like context of exposure, whether I know the period or the composer and whether I have experienced a live performance. Why parse out all of this if it contributes to my enjoyment and appreciation?

Lately I have been drawn to Mendelssohn (as well as Arvo Part, John Adams, Mozart, William Bolcolm, Messiaen and always Bach). I know that my understandings and preferences evolve. Mendelssohn feels like a dramatic evolution. Because while I look back and realize there are many Mendelssohn pieces I have enjoyed over the years, I have had sort of a working understanding of his music as a minor subset of romanticism (not my favorite period) in the classical mode. Classical Romanticists were the first Romantic composers that attracted me and they still hold a lot of attraction.

Beethoven is in his own category here. He was crammed down my throat in undergraduate school and I never really started to love his work until I delved into the piano sonatas.

This morning I read Michael Gordon’s NYT blog about Orchestra Hero. It made me realize what people lose if they do not seek out art and music that requires more of them than entertainment does.

I don’t think that Western Civ and culture is permanent. I believe firmly that it will pass away some day. But in the meantime it is the context I am living in and I do love and appreciate Bach, Shakespeare and others who have shaped how I understand my humanity and have taught me deep and wordless lessons in life.

How can I not hope that others get to experience this sort of thing? And as a musical performer I get to actually participate in the creation (re-creation?) of some of this stuff. Coolness, dude.

Got up and treadmilled yesterday then off to doctor for my four month check-up. According to the doctor’s scales, I have lost one pound since my last visit. Bah. Also my blood pressure was  a little high. I pointed out to my doctor that when I went to pay my co-pay, I discovered I had misplaced my credit/debit card. I think this may have temporarily elevated my blood pressure.

Anyway, my doctor carefully reviewed my recent blood tests and other tests. She told me that maybe next time she would prescribe something to lower cholesterol. In the meantime, we agreed I would cut down on dietary cholesterol, mainly lowering my cheese intake.

She also recommended Glucosamine with chondroitin because I told her I am beginning to experience some arthritic pain in my left thumb joint. Arthritis is the bane of musicians. So far my pain has not affected my playing in any way I have detected. But it does frighten me a bit. At the same time I realize the old body is wearing out.

My doctor was happy with my exercise regimen (treadmilling). She also said she thought I understood my health issues well enough to continue to address them by seeking to lose weight and watching my diet.

Back in four months.

Eileen and I went out for breakfast after I got home. Then went to see “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” in 3D.

Embarrassingly I really enjoyed it. Much more than I thought I would. I thought it was funny and distracting. It seemed to be largely conceived for 3D. I’m wondering what it will be like as a DVD. Eileen says that she regularly checks out 3D DVDs to patrons at the library, so maybe they will issue it in 3D. At any rate, the jokes (many of which were adult) came fast and furious and it definitely warrants seeing this one again.

I have been madly trying to finish the bio of Mendelssohn I am reading. So I read in that yesterday while treadmilling. After the movie, I came home and read a bit in Ulysses. Then Eileen trounced me at Scrabble ™ and I went practiced organ…

My recent analysis of Part’s organ piece (Mein Weg hat Gipfel und Wellentaler) is helping me understand it better as I play it.

In his book on Part, Paul Hillier says that it definitely helps performances of Part’s music if the performer is in the right relationship to the music being performed. This is kind of enlightening because for a long time I knew very few classically trained musicians who could tolerate any minimalism or simple music like Part.

In fact, at first I wasn’t too entranced with the whole phenomenon myself. It wasn’t until I realized its relationship to my already formed aesthetic (factoring in the highly repetitive nature of much of the rock music I group up listening and playing) that I realized its attraction.

I found my credit card, by the way.

I received notice from my doctor’s office yesterday that my blood test results were “stable.” But that my cholesterol was still borderline high and she recommends increased exercise. So I increased my treadmill time by five more minutes yesterday. This puts me up to fifty minutes a day on the treadmill which includes a five minute warm up and and a five minute warm-down.

I listened to John Adams as I exercised.

His 1986 “Tromba Lontana” is one I quite like. (link to stream of entire piece, mp3 of excerpt ). Also listened to his China Gates and Road Movies.

Later I did some composing. I did two short settings of the Roman Catholic mass sections for my Grand Rapids Composer group. One “Lamb of God” and one “Holy, Holy.”  They are still a bit fresh to share on the web site.  The “Lamb of God” came first. It is extremely simple. I wrote the entire “Holy, Holy” as a melody with harmonies in mind. It wanders in key a bit which I quite like. Then I sat down and harmonized it in Finale.

It is fulfilling to compose. Relaxing too I guess.

I was discouraged that my cholesterol showed no change.

I switched to filtered coffee a  couple months ago with the idea it might have an effect. So far, no effect I guess.

I also haven’t lost the weight I told my doctor I was going to try to lose.  And I am beginning to have a bit of (athritic?) pain in my left thumb joint. Yikes. Getting old has its drawbacks.

I practiced my Dec 4 organ recital pieces in the order I am planning to perform them. Then came home and made a sort of squash hummus which is quite good. I played through John Adams’s China Gates on the piano as well some Mendelssohn and Schubert earlier in the day. Then Eileen and I went out to the pub for supper.

Then home to read about Ulysses. Quite tired last night. Today I meet with my boss, do some church work and then off to a long rehearsal tonight of Oklahoma.

But now I need to treadmill for fifty minutes.

Nice calm morning. Got up and made breakfast for Eileen (toasted blueberry muffin, cheese mushroom onion omlette, OJ and tea). Listening to recordings of composer Peteris Vasks on youtube.

I picked up his name from a guy on Twitter who said people who like Arvo Part should check him out. He’s Latvian and has written stuff for organ but there seems to be limited access to his scores in this country. I did a cursory check online.

I notice that the people I follow on Facebook rarely point each other to resources online. It’s mostly people doing quick short updates on their lives, and reports from silly quizzes they take and games they play.

I take this to mean that people aren’t exploring that much on the entirenet (internet). I find this curious because that is one of the things I have enjoyed so much about the internet: running across new ideas and reading articles and discussions.

Probably due to its nature (the rolling present) Twitter seems to do a better job. I follow musicians and journalists and readers and listeners. That way I do get pointers to some interesting stuff. Like the Vasks.

So today I have a bit of relief from my recent relentless schedule. Yesterday was stressful as I tried to do some church stuff. Emails back and forth with my priest and parishioners. The good news is that I have a violinist for my upcoming Bach cantata movement arrangement. Yay!

In between I have been reading Ulysses by Joyce and books about the book. One book about the book is quite good. “Ulysses and Us: The Art of Everyday Life in Joyce’s Masterpiece” by Declan Kiberd. (Also found an online comic book of Ulysses. Looks kind of cool. link)

It is helping me dislodge Ulysses from the part of my brain where I keep complicated goofy intellectual college things. Kiberd points out that Joyce was attempting to write a piece for the common reader and would be amused and flummoxed at how university intellectual types pick him to pieces while neglecting the basic idea of READING him (Hemingway’s copy famously has only the beginning and ending pages opened….

if you wonder how they know this, books used to come with the pages uncut and in order to read them one had to cut every other page free. This also was a handy way to keep your place.)

So I have been alternating reading my hard copy of Ulysses and the online Gutenbergy edition. This has had the unfortunate result that I realize how bad the free online edition is. Many mispellings, no italics, no placement of poetry and lines on the page. Yikes.

Anyway, yesterday I reread one of my favorite parts of the book. This is the beginning of Leopold Blooms day. The reader is perched in his head as he makes breakfast for Molly and takes a quick walk to the butcher. This stuff is great. Bloom’s point of view of life is one of practicality, humor and since it is inside his head brutal and total honesty.

Kibard says that he is the long lost corrective father of Stephen Dedalus. Dedalus. Bloom is the seasoned answer to Dedalus’s confused rebellious poetic nature. Very cool.

Kibard also reminded me how Joyce has emphasized the reality of life. All his characters are lower class Irish and either poor or coming from a dirt poor background. Also a major point is that he has enshrined the simple act of living by chronicling and detailing the events of one simple day in Dublin. A day when nothing particularly earthshattering happened in the world.

Kibard also mentions that Joyce said he never met a boring person. He found all people interesting. I like that.

I did have a quorum for the William Byrd anthem yesterday which was nice.  The soprano I thought might be ill showed up. My second concern was that one of my two tenors couldn’t make it yesterday (informed weeks before, bless his heart). So I asked an alto to sing tenor.  This left the alto section with two new altos and one quiet alto. My two new altos relied on the switch hitter alto so I was wondering how they would do on their own. They did fine which was also nice.

At this point I began madly trying to get the choir to make a good sound with Byrd.

We did manage to get there. In service half way through the anthem they faltered. So in the post game I mentioned that there were some brilliant moments and some shakey moments in the anthem we had just performed and that this was the way of music. I told them  I was happy  with the performance and the goal was to increase the brilliant moments and decrease the scarey ones.  What more can you ask?

I asked my violinist if he was planning to play with us on the 8th. I emailed a week ago and felt like yesterday was sort of the last day I would give him to decide. He said he couldn’t do it. So I have to get going on that tomorrow. I am planning to try to take today off (except for grocery shopping and this evening’s rehearsal).

I did a couple of Byrd keyboard pieces for the prelude and postlude yesterday. I played those well. Not sure if anyone was paying attention but there you are.

In the post game rehearsal I field some angry comments from choir members regarding hymn rehearsals.

I use a lot of new hymns and some were complaining that we don’t go over them enough. This strikes a knife in my heart because I do try to take choirs through hymns. However, I defended my practice on the grounds that we are shrinking our time together with Sunday morning rehearsals and that the congregation was singing fine which was the goal. This of course went pretty much unheard. One chorister did speak up and say she liked spending more time on anthems and that she felt last year we spent too much time on service music (i.e. hymns).

At any rate after this little spat I took them through a couple hymns for All Saints (something I had planned to do anyway).

Besides this little tiff, the post game rehearsal went well.

We are singing a Stanford anthem for All Saints next week. This is hoary old anglican music and makes the conservatives happier. It has involved a ton of prep on my part to be able to play it on the organ and conduct it simultaneously.  This is something I am trained to do but takes extra rehearsal and thought.

Unfortunately there was a funeral scheduled for yesterday afternoon and our rehearsal in the church ran into the arrival of the family. The atmosphere was tense (hey it was a funeral). My choir did not seem to understand that we needed to get out of the room. But I reassembled them in the choir room which had been robbed of all choir chairs due to the funeral luncheon. Standard fair for church work.

We went through our upcoming Bach cantata movement with most choristers standing and the more infirm ones sitting in the few chairs left in the room.

Then I went down and did the funeral. Again I had shakey moments in a exposed Bach piece. Oy. I played the adagio from the Toccata Adagio and Fugue of Bach. I ran the adagio a few times in the last few days and thought it was pretty solid. No train wrecks (I didn’t have any of these in any of my performing in the last few days…. just some weird rhythms and delays of beats) but still not one of my stellar performances.

The family played two recordings in the course of the funeral. This is always a bit odd for me. The first one was barely intelligible but identifiable as new agey religious music with voice over. For some reason it stopped in mid sentence for the voice over. The second recording was “The Swan” as played by Yo Yo Ma (it was in the program). I still find the use of recordings weird in public prayer, but I guess I’m out of step.

For the postlude the family had requested “When the Saints.” I sat down at the piano and started a dissonant little slow rendition which wandered into a jazzy version eventually. Unfortunately people gathered around the piano beaming.  Even some  of the mourners were clapping along. I ended it pretty quickly.

A couple of parishioners asked me if that was next weeks postlude. Since I haven’t chosen one at this late date I think that might be the ticket.

God help me. I hope writing about all this will help me not think about church stuff for at least today this week.

Predictably, the church was the only institution that did not give me a check right after service (the funeral) I have mentioned to my boss that this is basic etiquette in the world of musicians, but the only effect it has had is to remind the office that I do indeed get paid for funerals and weddings. Eventually. Many times after I ask.

But I do have the money from my other non church gigs this weekend. So that’s good.

I don’t have much time before I have to walk over to church.

I am feeling pretty happy that both the funeral home and the community theater saw fit to give me a check right after services. How nice. This means I have more money to pay bills Monday.

Today is another long day for me. After the funeral yesterday morning I was pretty wasted. Playing church takes way too much out of me. I ended up improvising several minutes on Vruechten (sp?). The former organist and my wife sat through this improv while I waited for mourners to finally empty the church. They were very complimentary.  Which was nice because I had bad moments in both Bach and Mathias. Oh well.

Another funeral this afternoon. Plus I have to do my final rehearsal with the choir before All Saints. And I am expecting several unannounced absences this morning due to the involvement of people in the community theater musical. The director was too ill to sing a solo at yesterday’s funeral. I got a note from her that if she is well she will be there this morning, if not not.  This is fair, but I’m not sure I’m going to be able to pull of William Byrd without a quorum.

Then after all of this another funeral.

This week will be busy as well with rehearsals for Oklahoma on M, T and Th. Yikes.

I call this a “no thank you” post, because I don’t have time for a full serving.

Made it through last night’s performance fine. In my first performance I managed to get lost once. Last night I couldn’t figure out where that was. (I kept looking for it, so I wouldn’t do it again)

I really think the synth sounds awful. During intermission several of the pit players said the synth bass was way too loud. I adjusted but suspect that the bass player was playing with his upright bass amp. Or maybe it was a combination of the two. The director suggested that the upright bass amp was feeding back due to the synth sound. This is possible. Or maybe I was just playing too loud. Anyway, I didn’t the second act and won’t tonight.

The family has asked that a soloists chant (via anglican chant) a psalm at today’s funeral. I was reviewing yesterday and found a typo. Also, the version of the Gloria Patri is an older one. I wouldn’t mind except the pointing (the way the words fit the melody) is very awkward. I will suggest to the soloist that it might be easier to use the Gloria Patri from Rite I in the Hymnal which is pointed much better.

I also have to perform a couple pieces of organ literature this morning which is good and bad. Good because I always like doing good music. Bad because I feel like I’m not totally prepared due to the nature of pulling stuff together at the last minute for a funeral. At least the family relented and allowed me to substitute pieces I could play for the pieces they know.

This afternoon I need to play tomorrow’s choral stuff. I find that prepping is the key to having a successful and not trying long day at church (3 rehearsals and a service).

Then one more performance this evening, and another funeral tomorrow afternoon.

I am hoping that someone bothers to pay me this weekend because I need the money to pay some bills on Monday.

Yay! Funeral home paid me for today’s funeral. Good. Now I can pay a bill or two on Monday.

I have a blood test this morning for which I have been doing the usual 12 hour fast. I thought I remembered the med professionals who drew my blood last time  chiding me when I said I had delayed my exercise.

But this morning when I googled blood tests and exercise, several initial hits suggested that exercise before a fasting blood test can change your results (elevate cholesterol, change glucose levels and so on). So no exercise before my blood test this morning I guess.

If you (hi Sarah) looked at my blog yesterday you know I was a bit grumpy. I carried my grumpiness with me as I walked to a meeting with my boss. I was prepared to begin discussing with her the relationship of my remuneration to my inordinate and usually self inflicted tasks at my job.

Unfortunately I ran head long into a bunch of pastoral problems around a funeral tomorrow. We have two funerals coming up a church this weekend. Funerals can be quite a drain on the pastoral staff especially the priest.

The meeting yesterday was for the Saturday funeral of a man who was obviously was physically and somewhat mentally impaired.  This man was often present at our Sunday services. He tended to invariably sit on the edge of the choir area. He was  a short good natured man who seemed to not have a large verbal vocab. But he was an important presence (at least to me and some others in our congregation).

I had mentioned to my boss how important this man was to our services. The presence of people who are different and physically and/or mentally impaired can have a cleansing effect on people’s prayer. It can turn up the honesty and reality of the situation. Inevitably impaired people can help a community find its real self by humanizing and grounding the situation in reality.

I tell a story I heard on the radio about a man who had impaired friends. He himself was a great humanitarian. One day he was entertaining another great humanitarian type. As they were sitting in his house, the door burst open and in walked a laughing middle aged impaired man. He walked around the room laughing and looking at the two people in the room. He confronted the visitor and enthusiastically shook his hand wordlessly but laughing. He did the same for the man whose house he was visiting. He circled the room once again and then left. The visitor shook his head. “How sad,” he said.

Ultimately for me, people are a gift to each other. If we miss what other people have to offer us in life, we miss large chunks of life.

The man who died at my church had a compulsive side. He liked to make sure lights were turned off and papers were properly straightened away. Many times he stood just on the other side of the rail by the organ and patiently waited for me to finish the postlude so he could turn off the organ. I learned not to look at him before the piece was finished so that he would not turn off the organ before I was done.

Interestingly this funeral presented several pastoral problems when dealing with the family.  Not terribly appropriate to air this stuff in a public blog even though I am skeptical how many people actually look at this.  The family is not part of the church community which is not unusual. The deceased however was, so they have chosen to do a funeral at his church.  Of course the man lived in a group home or a place where there were other people who were impaired. The funeral brings together these people with people who knew the man at church.  The pastoral stress yesterday was strong enough that I found myself shelving my own little problems at work and simply trying to go with the flow in a difficult situation. Sooprise. I told my boss it looked like she was under enough stress with funerals this weekend (we actually have two of them) and that nothing  I wanted to talk about couldn’t wait a week or so.

After meeting with the family and practicing organ I walked home in a similar emotional space as I walked to church: discouraged.  Ah well. I healed myself by making supper for my wife and myself, including a delicious homemade upside-down apple cake.

Today begins a three day marathon for me of musical performances (this evening and tomorrow evening), funerals (one Saturday and one on Sunday), and the usual stress filled Sunday morning service and pre and post service choral rehearsal. It is still mildly discouraging at the outset when I realize that despite our hard work, Eileen and I still struggle with making ends meet. This is probably the American situation for many people these days and in many ways we are lucky we have as much as we have and can pay as many bills as we do.

I hate money.

I should be treadmilling. This morning has had lots of stress for me. Suffice it to say that it’s negative stuff.

Like doing a time study for my church work. I figure it comes out to be about 24 to 26 hours a week when averaged over the entire year. I’m making about 24 K a year. This has got to be low for someone with a masters and decades of experience. Not to mention the fact (AGO guidelines say one should mention the fact) that one is good at what one does. Fuck it.

I also keep pondering on people. A man died this week who used to sit right in front of the music area. I mean right in front…. right there on the raised platform. He also used to get a big kick out of turning off the organ after the postlude. His funeral is Saturday.

Other people keep passing through my mind.

People who seem unaware of their own foibles but very willing to exploit my own lenient nature. Ah. Probably not appropriate to go into it here. Suffice it to say that none of these people have the last name Jenkins. Ahem.

I think I’m just grumpy. I have been reading in Chaucer lately. Played through more of Brahms op. 116 (which is really a great work for piano) and some Mozart this morning.

I need to stop and treadmill.

Last Saturday I quickly finished my arrangement of Bach cantata 26 mov 1 for SATB, violin, harpischord and cello. I hope I’m not violating some goddang copyright but I’m putting this arrangement up on my web site.

“Ach wie flüchtig, ach wie nichtig” mov 1 of  BWV 26 by J.S Bach arr for SATB, instr, keyboard, cello
pdf of choral score
pdf of violin part
pdf of cello part
pdf of original score

I’m pretty sure no church musicians check this blog, but you never know. One of  them might want to use this arrangement. I think it works okay. I will report on it after I use it.

I’m goofing off this morning. Didn’t rush over and practice organ this morning before the weekly Wed service. Sigh. Instead I strummed through some love Brahms piano stuff (op. 116 is really doing it for me lately). Then had a leisurely breakfast of bagel with hummus and a bowl of fruit.

I’ll get over to the church later and do the organ thing. Right now I need some of that staring out of the window, reading, practicing, thinking time.

Three hour rehearsal of Oklahoma last night. I was too exhausted to practice organ during the day. Instead I tried to save my energy for the evening rehearsal. By the time it was over I was suffering from neck tension. Bah. Tension is the enemy of music.

To distract myself I re-read a hundred pages into “The Long Day Wanes” by Anthony Burgess. This is his anti-colonial trilogy about Malayasia. Burgess’s contribution seems rarer and rare. He is highly educated yet pugnacious and aggressive about words and ideas.

His stories and writing have quick insight into the hypocrisy and humor of the human condition.

I also couldn’t resist playing through Scarlatti sonatas and Schuman and Mendelssohn piano pieces. I should have desisted and kept my energy for the evening. My fatigue made me light headed. This is not good. Getting old.

Today unfortunately I have to do silly church stuff. Bulletin article. Review hymn selections for the next few weeks. Prepare this evening’s instrumental rehearsal. It’s all busy buy diazepam 20 mg work, but has the distasteful aspect of churchiness. In this capitalistic society I have to take my dollars where I can get them: church, amateur pit orchestras and high school coaching. I am working harder it seems, but the money is going out faster than it’s coming in. Not an uncommon thing, I’m sure.

I must must must get some time on the organ today.

In the meantime there were some excellent articles in the New York Times today:

John Burns is a reporter I try to follow.

He has had years of experience on the ground in the wars of our times.

His lengthy answer on his online Q & A column about military contractors reveals a clear mind and more processing of information than you can find in most “journalism” these days.  Link

David Brooks has an interesting take on character and psychology in his column today. Link

And I broke down and began reading journalist David Brohde’s five part series on his abduction by the Taliban. Link