This weekend I had several chances to perform in public. Reflecting on the performance of the Messiah yesterday afternoon, it occurred to me that I had more misgivings about that performance than any other over the weekend. It’s more of a contrast because I would say that I enjoyed the other performances immensely. Although I appreciated the challenge of performing at the harpsichord for an hour and forty minutes in public, I found myself questioning the notion of doing all Handel (or anything else) for that long for a contemporary audience. Not to mention the Messiah one of the most familiar and repeated works in the repertoire (HALLELUJAH!). It reminds me of the Widor Toccata or the Bach Toccata and Fugue in D minor (the Phantom of the Opera one). These pieces are good to perform. But using them as a showcase piece doesn’t work for me.

At the funeral on Saturday morning, I enjoyed performing classy organ music (Bach trios, Sweelinck upcoming variations), leading the congregation and accompanying a singer on Dvorak’s “God is My Shepherd.” Yesterday morning besides the usual pleasure of leading the assembly in song, I enjoyed even more the challenge of pulling together the choir to do a fine piece of choral literature that fit the feast like a glove (Quia vidisti me Thoma by Hassler) and 12 variations on “O Sons and Daughters” by Dandrieu.

After a shaky start in the choral piece we pulled together a stellar reading of it in the service. My variations went splendidly (if I do say so myself). I wish my teacher Ray Ferguson could hear me play in the French manner in which he instructed me on such a fine instrument.

Eclecticism has become a hallmark of my person aesthetic. As has respect for the changing audience ears. I use the Alex Ross story to help people. Alex Ross, the New Yorker music critic and contemporary music historian, noticed that when he first got his Ipod that when he put it on shuffle it would dance around throughout the dizzying array of musics that he like to listened to. He learned from that. “We’re all on shuffle now,” he observed.

So I think I will mention to Nick that I’m going to skip doing harpsichord for him next year. I’m sure he can find someone else to cover the parts. They are not that hard. There is some stylistic sophistication that is required. But I’m sure he knows a dozen people who could do it.

If my energy pie was bigger, if I was younger, I might just do it for the sheer joy of being included with some good musicians. But we were a bit under-rehearsed this time. I felt like enthusiasm was not as high the second year. It’s time for jupe to husband his resources and use his time left on the planet to do some more interesting things.

Nick and his priest seem to be presenting the “annual” Messiah as a culmination of the octave of Holy Week which I find confusing. I can think of a number of pieces that would serve that end more clearly. It would be cool if they would do the recital each year but change the piece. Nick could even write a piece and that would be wonderful.

But nobody asked me. So there you are. Once again renegade jupe sits in his Holland living room and wonders about shit.

Opinion | Why Authoritarians Attack the Arts – The New York Times

It appears increasingly certain that there is a method to the madness of President Trump. He is leading the country (and influencing the world) down the path of fascism and authoritarianism. The Sinclair group stuff is just one aspect of what he and his cronies are doing. This article covers another.

This morning I learned that Greek dramas were originally one off events staged during public festivals. In the year 386 BC a group of elite Athenians decided that they could be restaged and repeated. This decision would seem to have enormous ramifications for Western Civilization especially regarding its art.

“Recalling this prescription [of only permitting one performance of a drama] suffices to indicate that Old European dramatic poetry did not begin under the auspices of autonomous art and literature, but rather as a practice of the political cult and as a civic-religious community effort.”

In other word the transience of the dramatic event enhanced its importance to the community. Its fleetingness was part of its power. This is stripped away with allowing it to be repeated and something new begins to happen that has ramifications right up until the present moment in Western Civilization.

“Athenian citizens set an ambivalence into the world that has inhered ever since in all courtly, later bourgeois, and ultimately museumized and mass-mediatized cultic and aesthetic practices; namely, that  what was religion becomes an aesthetic phenomenon, while art presses ahead to supersede religion.” (emphasis added)

The quotes are from the essay, “The Plunge and the Turn,” by Peter Sloterdijk in the collection, Not Saved: Essays after Heidegger.

This boggles the mind when one considers that our current public politco scene has been transformed into a terrain of mindless language of entertainment practice brought to bear to accomplish largely fascistic goals.

So my own embrace of art, literature, music, poetry helps my life be a rewarding one.

But I seem to live in a time where a banal turmoil of cacophony dominates much public rhetoric and many interpersonal communications and understandings. Thank god for art.

A bit heavy for Sunday morning, but welcome to my world.

I had to play a funeral this morning. I thought it was scheduled at 10. I walked over around 9 to eventually discover that it was scheduled at 11. No problem. I always go over on Saturday to do final prep for Sunday anyway. So I made good use of the extra time.

I continue to use some pretty classy music at weddings and funerals. Bach trios for organ are not often heard I think in this context, but they sound so beautiful on this instrument, it’s a shame not to use them.

Afterwards as I was walking through the mourners a young person of about 8 or 9 years said to me, “You’re good!” I thanked her. I often am thinking of the children when I try to make good music. Children seem to understand music or at least notice it more than grown ups. This was a nice compliment.

However, I was unhappy when I opened my check to find that not only did the funeral home neglect to pay the soloist, they paid me $75. Sheesh. I emailed Jen. The church will probably kick in a few more bucks on this. This makes me crazy.

Yesterday, I took my new phone to the Verizon store because I’ve had static on it. They checked for updates and settings and advised me to contact customer service for further diagnostics. I did so and they determined that the problem was in the phone. So I got a new phone again.

Having a new phone is such a pain. One has to get it back into working order which means countless updates and app installations. The Google backup is pretty good. So it did a lot of transfer automatically. But the updates seem to be layered. I did a bunch on the old new phone. And I had to do them again on the new new phone.

I had very weird dreams last night. In one of them the sky was a huge piece of tin foil. I was cowering in a hole in the ground and holding up a teddy bear in a sort of defiant mode. In the next dream I was talking to someone (one of my dream daemons). They said the previous dream sounded like I was dealing with death. They asked me if any one had died in my life recently. When I replied that my mother had, they offered condolences.

In the next dream, for some reason a pipe organ I was responsible for (not the Pasi)  was upside down. It was not steady. It was swaying a bit. At one point it collapsed to my horror, but then suddenly it was there again, upside down.

Will We Stop Trump Before It’s Too Late? – The New York Times

If you haven’t read this article by former Secretary of State Madeline Albright, I recommend doing so. She has a good grasp of the current terrifying global and national situation.

Yesterday at trio rehearsal, I convinced my players that it might be fun to trio some of the Bach violin sonatas using organ instead of harpsichord. I mentioned this after we rehearsed the first movement of the B minor sonata for upcoming use at Eucharist.

They readily agreed. These pieces as I have mentioned here before are really trios. Accompanying them on the organ allows the second voice of the trio (the right hand of the keyboard part) to be soloed out on a contrasting stop. When using harpsichord this voice is a bit fainter especially when paired with a modern violin.

Dawn was complimentary (as usual) of my harpsichord work the night before at the Messiah rehearsal. I actually wasn’t very satisfied with my performance and spent time yesterday rehearsing for this gig. But it was nice to hear that it might not have been the disaster it sometimes felt like.

After trio, I practiced organ. it is such a delight to practice and perform on a first class instrument. I am playing all of Dandrieu’s Offertory variations on “On Sons and Daughters” Sunday as the prelude and postlude. Dandrieu is a contemporary of Bach, but his music is quintessentially French classical. I love this shit and it sits nicely on the Pasi.

In addition I have scheduled four variations on Puer Nobis (the opening hymn the following week) by Swellinck. Again this stuff is charming and sits nicely on the instrument.

I detect a Pentangle/John Renbourn influence in my turning to this early music with such enthusiasm. I received an email from trumpet dude canceling our rehearsal today. This means more time for me to practice on the Pasi so it’s not exactly a tragedy for me.

Before that I’m due in Glen for an appointment with my therapist. It’s been quite a ride the last two weeks so I have lots to talk about. As usual, I’m looking forward to it.

Gerald Stern | Poetry Foundation

After working an old Monday NYT crossword puzzle laying in bed this morning, I read some of Stern’s work. He is now on my radar.

NYTimes: Terry Gilliam’s Long-Delayed ‘Quixote’ Gets a Trailer

There are certain film makers who arouse even this old jaded viewer. I can’t wait for this movie.

Easy Shakshuka Recipe with Feta | Umami Girl

Eileen “shared” this recipe on Fakebook.

I was relieved this morning that my BP was low despite having a martini and some wine (and snacks) after last night’s three hour rehearsal for a performance of the Messiah on Sunday. It was a difficult rehearsal due to the fact that the first violinist got the day wrong and was actually in Tennessee last night. So there were some gaping holes. I tried to play her part on the harpsichord but it was not audible enough. The organist played the part on one movement. But there were many movements with missing music making it confusing. Also the small group of string players were playing from a different edition (Peters) than the singers were singing from. Nick the conductor and I were working from a third edition (the Dover full score).  Nick would call out a number to rehearse and I would have to consult my table to figure out which movement we were working on.

At least once last night this caused me to miss out on a few pages of a movement. No harm done, but I wasn’t very happy about not being on top of what was happening. The harpsichord part, while soft and never that prominent, is important to the singers and orchestra as sort of a rhythm guitar part.

I’m happy to report that both of my string trio players can play at Eucharist on April 22. We will be able to do a wonderful movement from the Bach B minor violin sonata. I’m also planning on transcribing the first flute part from Bach’s Sheep Shall Safely Graze and using violin, cello, and possibly harpsichord on it. There will be no postlude because its “earth day” and our “earth committee” (not it’s name) has arranged for us to process outside and do something (plant some trees?).

Anyway, I and another guitarist will accompany “All Things Bright and Beautiful” at each station of this outside. This occurs at the end of the service making a Bach trio postlude superfluous. No biggie.  That means we have another movement for another day.

I have to get over to church this morning and tune the harpsichord before our 10 AM rehearsal.

I admit that I am exhausted this morning. A three hour rehearsal of one long work takes a lot of me. Also, I’m beginning to wonder about lengthy performances of one piece like this at a time when attention spans are shortening and people have such a wide array of musics to listen to that I usually opt for more eclectic scheduling. It feels a bit like a throw back provincial practice to me, but what do I know.

I have to admit, however, that the male alto (who Nick later told me was actually a soprano struggling with the low range) who sings one of the solos has a luscious sound. The dude can sing and I love that high sound so many groups are using these days.

NYTimes: The Case of Hong Kong’s Missing Booksellers

This is a well written interesting story about selling books in Hong Kong and China.

I’m glad this is coming to the attention of the wider public. It is a serious breach in  the functioning attempt at democracy that the US has been. We are definitely in new territory here.

Part of the joy of the interweb is constantly finding new and interesting things to think about and explore. In my case, these are often books and thinkers. This morning I had the idea of creating a sub directory in my Google Drive and call it “On Deck.”

I sometimes forget where I originally ran across a mention of a book or a piece of music. I can’t process all the new ideas I come in contact with fast enough. I read slower than I ever used to, emphasizing comprehension. Thus, by the time I get to a book or a new idea, I might not be sure what originally intrigued me about it.

This morning I was thinking about Mohsin Hamid, an author. He is featured on this month’s New Yorker Fiction Podcast, where he reads a piece by Borges. He talks about Borges’s influence on him. I have long admired Borges. I was intrigued and checked out Hamid’s latest novel, Exit West.

It looks fascinating, but I can’t add another book to my daily read right now. So into the “On Deck” it goes.

A glance through my “Saved for Later” list in my Amazon cart, shows that I need that subdirectory.

I am much more rested today. Yesterday I did some work. I picked some new anthems factoring in the changing personnel in my choir and also projected absences. I also planned some upcoming Sundays. A week from Sunday I am planning to play Sweelinck.

April 22 looks to be a Bach Sunday. I have texted my trio asking if they could play that day. We have been working on some beautiful Bach (the violin sonata in B minor) and have discussed scheduling it soon. I haven’t heard back from the violinist. The cellist has said she could do it. I am planning to schedule a version of Bach’s Sheep may safely graze that Sunday for the choir. I will make sure the violin and cello have parts to this as well. I have to decide if the choir can sing it in the original four parts or if I should use an SAB version instead.  I had a bass quit right before Holy Week (discouraging), so I’m down to two basses one of which is a doctor who sometimes has to work Sunday mornings. He didn’t sign out for the 22nd but I’m still wondering if it might be the better part of valor to use the SAB version. These arrangements are often a bit more accessible for a small choir.

I’ve also been spending even more time on the guitar. The collection of Medieval and Renaissance music by John Renbourn I purchased is delightful. He does a lot of weird tunings which is pretty eccentric for the repertoire. I was relieved to find that he doesn’t do a tuning on one of my favorites, Bransle Gay. I have always wanted to have this tune in my fingers on the guitar. I was surprised this morning when I read through it and it was much easier than I remember, certainly easier than the Bach Bourree I have been practicing.

Did you know that if you use Google apps on your phone that it can find the phone for you, just like it finds you for Maps?

In other words, I could have pinged my phone by simply googling “find my phone.” When the guy at the Verizon store did this for me yesterday either the phone’s battery was dead or someone turned it off.  I got the same response today. That was an expensive lesson. I had to pay off my old phone and buy a new one yesterday. Since my phone was pretty new it cost me about $575 to pay it off plus money down on the new one.

I was grumpy yesterday. I drank too much last night and this morning I am hung over and feeling properly sheepish and sorrowful about being such an idiot and drinking too much.

So grumpy yesterday, sheepish today.

After I bought a phone (with Eileen’s wise counsel), we immediately went to Model Drugs and I purchased a better purse for myself. I believe that my phone fell out of my old one. I bought a Baggallini with a pocket that snaps on the front in which my phone fits snugly.

Then we went by the Social Security office. It wasn’t crowded but my new phone wasn’t that charged up so that I couldn’t sit and play with it while we waited. So I put off checking that SS knows my Mom is dead and has suspended her payments to another day.

Then we went to the library and dropped off two boxes of books. Eileen picked up a book on hold. Then to Bibles for Mexico with a car load of shit we are getting rid of.

Today I’m basically back at work. I just emailed Sunday’s music into the office. I have to look carefully at the Messiah score. I have a rehearsal tomorrow evening in Grand Haven at 7 PM. I’m playing harpsichord for this. I am grateful to be asked to work with Nick Palmer. He’s a good dude.

Now I’m off to go exercise for the first time in many days. Hopefully I’ll be getting my groove back soon.

I played the postlude very well yesterday, accurately and musically. That was satisfying considering all the hours I put in to preparing it. I wondered aloud to Eileen why it had gone worse the night before as the postlude for the Vigil. “Fatigue,” she replied. Alas, there might be something to that. Maybe next time I need to schedule something a bit less taxing for the Vigil postlude. In past years, these slots have been held by the Widor Toccata.

My book of Sloterdijk essays arrived yesterday. It’s weird to get stuff on Sunday, but it’s some kind of feature of Amazon Prime. I am looking forward to reading and studying the books on my list. I am finding Kendi (Stamped from the Beginning: The definitive history of racists ideas in America) a joy to read. He has a clear mind and is an excellent scholar. Sloterdijk and Siegel represent two areas of thinking I am interested in: understanding the present (Sloterdijk) and thinking about mind (Siegel).

In addition I am enjoying reading the poets on my current shelf: Anthony Hecht, Richard Wilbur, and Derek Walcott. Sharon Olds has two poems in the April edition of Poetry Magazine.  I adore her book of poems about her father. it is brutal and beautiful.

On the fiction side of things, I am still reading Ursula K. LeGuin and Alan Moore. Moore has slowed down since his prose is emulating Finnegans Wake. Like Finnegans Wake (and poetry for that matter) the best way for me to read it is aloud. I have been doing two pages a day.

I’ve also been playing around with copying out sentences from this section with my speculations on what the words mean. For example, he uses the word, “loquation.” I take that to be a combination of the words “loquacious” and “location,” thus implying a talkative place.  This feels a little like working crossword puzzles, but more satisfying since it often results in beauty or stuff to think about.

This week I plan to address stuff about tying up loose ends with my Mom’s death. Also I need to get a phone.

In my dream last night, I was with some people in a basement. We were contemplating removing the three pieces of baloney which we were tucked throughout the support beams (hey! it was a dream). Anyway, I suggested that someone google and see if they could find out if the baloney served any purpose before we removed it. I remember saying that I would do it, but I have lost my phone (sheesh! even in my dreams tech prevails!).

In another dream, a young woman asked Eileen if she were my daughter or wife. In the dream, Eileen looked young enough to be my daughter. I remember feeling that I obviously looked old, a lot older than the dream Eileen. I said so to her in the dream.

So, there you have it. Another missive in the absence of a phone. Hey. I’m okay, friends and fam. No need to call. Email me if you want to get hold of me.

I’m wondering about the wisdom of scheduling a difficult postlude for Easter Vigil and Easter Sunday. I guess it’s a good idea. The Vigil anthem was also one that showed off the organ (“Alleluia! Song of Gladness!” by Mathias). I manged to play and conduct it which was no mean feat. The choir was on their game and nailed it. The rest of the music went pretty well last night as well. I was satisfied with the postlude even though there were some bad moments. At any rate, I’m almost done.

Here’s a recent poem.

My 91-year-old mother
sits up dazed on the crumpled
hospital sheets.

With a terrifying smile
she says, “I am going to
see Jesus.”

I thought it was
the UtI talking.
It wasn’t.

March 26, 2018