working on mom stuff


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Mark, my brother, arrived yesterday around noon. Eileen, Mark, and I met with Laurie, a Medicaid specialist provided by Resthaven. We learned that we do not have to worry about Mom’s car at this point. Apparently, when you divest yourself of all income and assets in order to go on Medicaid, you may keep one car. Eileen and I are thinking of maybe purchasing another car anyway, since my harpsichord doesn’t fit in Mom’s car. Plus I’ve never really liked it that much. It’s just been convenient to use for free.

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Laurie walked us through the Medicaid app. The way this works is Mom has to spend down her bank account by paying for her care at the facility she is at. When she runs out of money, medicaid kicks in if it we are successful in our application for it. It is very helpful to have a person like Laurie shepherding us through this process. She knows it well and helped me make a list of tasks that I need to accomplish before we can complete and submit the application. For example we need to submit  a copy of Mom’s irrevocable funeral arrangement (pre paid for) with the application

After meeting with Laurie we went to see Mom. She had been moved to her new room in what they call the Jacob Cottage. Like all the “cottages” it is a designated wing of a large facility. Mom continues to fail. Her new nurse, Mike, had an idea of medication that might help slow down her saliva which now drips from her mouth pretty constantly. He recommended to the doctor and the doctor agreed that it was worth trying.

If Mom had less saliva in her mouth, maybe she would be less likely to think she is not able to breath when in fact she is breathing fine.

Mike also reported that Mom was taken to the cafeteria for lunch. This is hard to imagine. She is barely able to keep her head up and communicates in short cryptic phrases that don’t always make sense. However, Jacob’s Cottage mostly houses people with dementia so I surmise they are pretty hands on with the help.

Mom hasn’t been diagnosed with dementia but it was the only semi private available when she needed a bed. It’s a nice set up.

After seeing Mom we went to the funeral home and picked up the doc we need for the medicaid app. One medicaid app task down about five more to go.

Then we went to Mom’s apartment at Maplewood and began the work of sorting through her possessions, deciding what to donate to Bibles for Mexico and what we should keep.

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We asked Laurie if it was legit to use Mom’s money to pay for Two Men and a Truck to assist us with this process. She said it was. So that’s a relief. Mainly we have to sort through and then call them and hire them to move Mom’s chair to our house (for example) and either have the movers take stuff to Bibles for Mexico or arrange for a pick up by the thrift store.

We brought home two boxes of mostly pictures. Mark intends to find out if Leigh will digitize these for us. She has done lots of that sort of thing.

We went to the Curragh for supper, then home and watched the movie, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri. Good flick.

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So we accomplished a lot yesterday. That is satisfying. But it’s a bittersweet time as Mom transitions to the last phase of her life.

2 thoughts on “working on mom stuff

  1. I’m so sorry to read of your mom’s failing. I hope that you & your brother have many memories that comfort you & give you strength. Michelle in NH

    1. Thank you, Michelle. Yes Mom has had a long full life. She’s 91. As I watch people die in their old age, I tend to think of their entire life not just their present situation. This is a difficult time, but I think I am doing okay.

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