pre church babble

It’s been another tough week. My wife’s dad died on Wednesday evening. She is handling it fine I think. This means another trip for my daughters to come and do the other granpa funeral. My son has wisely opted to send condolences but skip the expensive trip. My in-laws got the weird idea that I should officiate at my father-in-laws funeral. This is very puzzling. I declined. I told my wife if she wanted me to do it of course I would. 

Today is my last choir Sunday. My boss called last night. She’s been away for the last few days so we needed to touch base briefly before tomorrow. I have mixed feelings about this morning. I have asked a parishioner with good conducting skills to conduct today’s Pentecost anthem. I did this so that I could play the organ part which of course has lots of Holy Spirit fast notes in it (It’s by Carson Cooman and is not that great but it does the trick for Pentecost and is an SAB anthem). This has entailed quite a bit of prep this week despite illness and other stuff like moving my Mom’s belongings from one room to another at the place she is living. 

Yesterday I practiced morning and evening. I am looking forward to just playing the organ today. I feel like I have pretty much failed as a choir director this year. It probably was an impossible year between the typical difficulties of getting people to show up at rehearsal and dealing with the stuff in my private life like my Dad dieing and my Mom having difficulties coping. 

I do enjoy church work. But I don’t necessarily relate strongly to the church stuff personally. And it’s hard to deal with the usual church pathologies when my own private life is so full of the pathology of caring for my parents. This week one of the people who takes care of the altar told me she was glad I was the musician for the church. People do say stuff like this to me quite often and it does help me to hear it. I like working with the community more than I like working with some of the people in the choir. I am also realizing that I myself am not all that mentally healthy at this point. 

Anyway, the music is what keeps me going. That and my lovely wife and adult children. Speaking of, I am hoping my daughters will allow me to pick them up at the airport in Chicago this week. That would be fun. My wife’s family has always sort of kept her and consequently me and my kids at arms length. I have tried to repair this over the years but it has always failed. So this event will be an interesting one. My daughter Sarah said that this family is a bit of mystery to her and if she failed to be at her granpa’s funeral she would feel even less connected to them. I requested that if any parts of the mystery evaporate as a consequence of the event that she share with me. Heh. I know I’m pretty mystified at my wife’s parents’ behavior over the years. 

Well I have to get ready to go play.

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