I managed to speak to two mental health care givers yesterday. That’s the good news. The bad news, both John Gibson and Ann McKnight are full up right now and not taking new patients. McKnight offered to see me in June. I told her no because I hadn’t talked to Gibson at that point. But now I’m think she might be my best bet. I have a doctor’s appointment today and will ask her to refer me to McKnight.
I also emailed my boss who recommended two of these people. She is out of commission for a while as she recuperates from major surgery. She did, however, tell me I could email her during this time if something was on my mind and this definitely qualifies.
Yesterday was also the third Monday in a row I have observed myself experience an emotional crash.
I was getting tasks done. I called the tax accountant and set up an appointment for her to see us in the afternoon and finalize 2015 tax returns for Mom and Eileen and me. Called the shrinks. Spent serious time at the piano and organ preparing for some rigorous Bach performances at church this weekend.
Meanwhile, Eileen was finalizing our tax reforms when the dang computer printer refused to work properly. I managed to stay calm through this. We decided to go to the grocery store (probably a mistake), buy a new ink cartridge and while we were there pick up stuff on our ongoing grocery list.
This went okay. But by this time my feet hurt and I was dragging. On the ride back from the store, Eileen said she was too tired to mess with it anymore and that we should install the ink cartridge the next day and see if that worked then. This made sense.
So it’s after 5 PM. We’re home and I have the groceries put away and am merrily making my evening martini. Eileen pointed out that I had not been managing to clean drinking glasses thoroughly, since she noticed residue on some in the cupboard. At first I did okay with this, but eventually I crashed emotionally and felt entirely like a failure until bedtime.
Let me clear. This is not about Eileen’s behavior but about mine. If I thought Eileen was acting creepy I would instantly tell her and would not be writing about it here. She has been involved in what looks like an emerging pattern because she is really the only person around me. But not culpable.
So today I want to continue to intensely prepare for Bach for this Sunday. I have already spent some time with the piano piece (Art of Fugue 9) this morning. I am of course dreading my doctor’s appointment, but hope I can remember everything to tell her and to ask her.
Mark Green: How Republicans rig the game – NY Daily News
I follow Ralph Nader on Facebooger he (or his staff) recommended this article.
Advice is blocking… Unsolicited advice…. Lalalala
So, I always take whatever appointments a doctor or therapist offers, even if it’s months away. I can always call and cancel it if I find someone else between now and then. Just a thought.
I called our tax guy yesterday morning to see where things stood with our taxes (that I sent him a number of weeks ago). He called back at around 5:00pm and confessed that, for reasons beyond his comprehension, he had received my tax return stuff, packaged it up quite nicely and filed it away. They have yet to start on it. But he assured me they’d get it done in the next day or two. He was terribly embarrassed and apologetic. I used to work with him as the Diocesan Auditor back in the 90’s so I know he’s not incompetent. I assured him that mistakes happen and not to worry about it. But I fear I may be scrambling at the last minute to get my taxes paid… Ah well… What’s a few dirty dishes among friends?
Advice is blocking in reflective listening, n’est pas? I am always interested in what you have to say, dude. As I will write in today’s self absorbed blog, I did contact Ann McKnight and make an appointment with her. At this stage, I am sticking with people recommended to me before branching out and looking for more shrinks.
And YIKES about the tax stuff. I hope it works out okay.
I read that article you linked about musicians needing silence, and thought it was fabulous.
I especially loved his line about things he avoids, that block his creativity, and he said, I don’t watch television! I’ve decided not to be embarrassed about the fact that I don’t usually watch TV or do social media. There is only so much time in the day, and that is one way I get my creative work done, by not distracting myself with things that sap my focus. It’s not a weird personality flaw, it’s a conscious creative choice!
Yes, the thoughts of Stephen Hough (whom I have never heard of before reading this interview) feel like a balance to so much nonsense I run across regarding how to be a musician in the 20th century (use of recordings, the death of classical music, and the use of the internet).
I don’t think your behavior toward media (social and tv) is weird. My experience is everybody is working their way through the labyrinth of exploding media these days and usually with their own take on what’s pertinent and what’s not. I am especially interested in how people are choosing to communicate. Do they text? Do they “instant message”? Land line? I shape the way I try to contact people to fit the person I am contacting. Fortunately. all my choir members seem to use email at this point. That’s helpful.
The sequestering of an artist in order to work on their art is a historical fact. No need to apologize. And a lot of people don’t have the family thing which can be enormously time consuming and important. You’re doing great!