Saturday I noticed that my urine looked a funny color. It was a deep burgundy. I thought about what I had recently eaten and couldn’t come up with anything that might cause it to look that way. I monitored it for the rest of the day. It reminded me of a quote by Edward Albee. I couldn’t find it on google, but I think it may come from his play, The Zoo Story. It was something about cautioning about pre occupation with self. The mirror is everywhere even in your toilet (check for blood). At the time I read it I wasn’t sure what he meant. Look for traces of blood on your toilet paper? I think I understand it better now.
I have Zoo Story sitting upstairs but I am feeling a bit weak (lazy?) and am not going up to look at it. It’s possible the quote is marked.
I wanted to make bread this morning but I’m too lazy (weak?).
I was talking to Dr Birky about narcissism on Friday at our session. Narcissism is something I think about. I have had a theory that it takes a strong ego to be a maker (musician, poet, writer). Birky suggested that the narcissist seeks people who will reinforce his own warped view of himself.
I’m still thinking on that one.
After a day of looking at my pee I sent my doctor a message through the useless, idiotic, app she and her employers provide. If my urine starts to look red again I am planning to go to a walk in clinic. If not I’ll wait and see what my doctor recommends.
My BP has been low the last two mornings and my weight dropped dramatically on Saturday. Eileen said she noticed that I have been eating less (?).
Having an imagination is no help when you’re sick. I can envision the course of this illness all the way to the funeral. Nice, eh?
In addition I have some pretty stark memories of my Dad’s dwindling physical and mental powers. I have an especially brutal (to me) recollection of finding him alone in a patient room at the hospital after we took him into ER with a concussive fall. He looked bewildered. Not only did he not know where he was, but he may not have know who he was.
Warm fuzzy thoughts. Stay tuned for future fun episodes.