Some days I feel so numb that I don’t have much to write about. Hard to believe that talkative and exuberant jupe sometimes just wants to crawl in a hole. But it’s true.
My doctor’s appointment went well yesterday. Blood Pressure okay. Doctor satisfied with my exercise and diet approach.
Had lunch with lovely Mom and took her to shrink.
Managed to pick out prelude and postlude for Sunday sometime in there.
I am feeling a bit unmoored since my gig. The recordings have been a bit disconcerting to listen to. Still haven’t listened to them all the way through. They seem like evidence of my mediocrity as a performer. Like I need evidence.
But not as a writer. I still believe in my work, even though I can’t see much beyond occasionally performing it. It is a herculean task to get it from the page to sound. Meanwhile I concentrate (weirdly) on making up stuff (composing). I have already been thinking of more things I want to write.
I got up this morning and wrote an article for Sunday’s bulletin about the hymns. This is a task I have been avoiding. It seems like I am drawn into my work at church and end up giving far too much to a part cheap valium 1000 time situation. One of the things I am comfortable omitting is this little weekly article.
But judging from the way people talk to me about the music at church, most of the coherence in my musical choices are missed. Making these connections explicit is what I do in the article (today’s sequence hymn is based on this passage in the gospel…. blah, blah, blah).
So I can choose between doing my work well and communicating with my community or only doing as much as I feel like the community is able to pay me to do. Fuck. I hate this choice.
I am playing my way (once again) through Bach’s 2 and 3 part inventions. These pieces are pretty wonderful in my book. I took an edition along yesterday and read it while waiting for my Mom. Reading introductions and taking the time to look at footnotes in pieces I know pretty well usually helps me understand them better.
I have a planning meeting today at church. Feeling a bit goofy since I haven’t really done much planning, but I guess this meeting is mostly about calendar.
Looks like it’s going to get sweltering again here today. I turn on the AC at the last possible moment. Right now it’s pretty cool.