the introvert speaks


I am a damn introvert. I mean by this that I am overly sensitive to interactions with other humans. I often describe myself as “thin-skinned.” However much a fault this is, it is something that I can only hide, but have difficulty changing.

Yesterday battered around the introvert in me. I had interactions with people who were obtuse and people who were inspiring. Both leave me a bit dizzy.

I use this space (and have for decades) to write notes to myself. I do it knowing that this is a public space, a place where anyone might drop in and read a few words. So I try to discipline myself to be appropriate for that reason.

I have been journaling for most of my conscious adult life. I even have some journals from my late teens still laying around.

I don’t want to dwell on my experience of obtuse people yesterday.

I have found this can be like a rehearsal of emotion to continue to recount it. Suffice it to say, that living in the United States today brings me into frequent contact with people who deride with a pleasant face and take one look at me and see only what they abhor. Whippy skippy.

But for my inspiration (which happened after the first experience) I find that rehearsing and recounting can have a more positive effect. My inspiring moment yesterday was when the ballet instructor I was working with chatted me up. In the course of our conversation she asked me if I would be interested in collaborating on a piece. I told her I would. I have found her inspiring and interesting to work with as a teacher and would be interested to find out what she would be like to work with as a collaborator.

Whether this ever comes to fruition is almost moot. The conversation and idea itself is one that I treasure.

I have found myself very interested in collaborating at a time when I also find myself sort of isolated. I am mostly thankful for this isolation (my experience with the typically obtuse yesterday bears this out).

But I try to stay on the lookout for other minds to connect with.

Of course I do this daily with great minds in books and music. This is part of my high quality of life.

I managed to play through the fifth Bach organ trio yesterday despite my dizziness from sitting through some uncomfortable interaction. I will probably continue on and finish the set today and play through number six. I have a strong attraction to trios and trio sonatas. I have enjoyed many performances and rehearsals at harpsichord, organ and piano of trios. I love my weekly piano trio rehearsal.

Again it’s a matter of collaboration, but also a matter of texture. I like three and four part clarity in music. I have never been overly attracted to the large symphonic sound in music. Of course I enjoy it, but I love being connected with the chamber sound, whether that is listening to string quartets, playing in an ensemble or playing alone by myself.

My schedule is settling in. I adjusted yesterday and did some of the tasks I usually do on Tuesday thus allowing me to have Tuesday mostly free. This means that I might be able to have a lighter schedule on Tuesdays and Thursdays through Saturdays. The hope is not only that I have time for myself but that I will be able to do some composing.

2 thoughts on “the introvert speaks

  1. A favorite comedian of mine, Tim Bedore, often quotes : ” Minnesota, where the introverts stare at their shoes and the extroverts stare at your shoes”

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