overthinking. over thinking.

I have subscribed to an Alexander Technique email discussion group. I  have only perused the resulting emails in my inbox. But one word jumped out at me that a writer used and that was the word: “overthinking.”


Maybe I should change the name of my blog to that.

Yesterday afternoon I seemed to be involved with a deluge of overthinking. I got bogged down (not blogged down, that’s what I’m doing now) with several unrelated exchanges and things:

1. emails from an august bride
2. emails from my boss about a funeral
3. searching for a Bb clar part for schumann’s opus 73, no. 1
4.  emails from my brother about my mom’s vacant house
5. emails from a friend whose wife is dying
6. thinking about my fam of origin fam system
7. emails from someone asking me to write & “illustrate” stuff on the web
8.  wondering why I was so deflated by the end of the day

The Juggler by Spock84/DeviantArt

Each of these required cogitation. Most of them involved formulating coherent action or reactions.

Fortunately, I offset this with

1. spending the morning tending my Mom (a good thing)
2. spending time with the music of Durufle & others
3. MAKING a goddam B b Clar part for Schumann’s opus 73,no.1
4. having a nice meal with my wife
5. watching a mind rotting DVD (The remake of “The Taking of Pelham 123” if you’re curious

After wondering why I was so deflated, I began to realize the different directions I felt pulled yesterday. I guess this is more evidence of the down side of my sensitivity which is being thin-skinned.

However, I didn’t over react when I found out that my hour and a half work of transcribing Schumann was for nought. After I emailed it in an attachment to the band director overseeing this player, he emailed me that he had found the part.

But returning to the idea of overthinking, I realize this morning that I spend a great deal of my life attempting to still an inner monologue (this is especially true when I do music) &/or simple releasing or letting go of thought and literal tension in my body.

Even sitting here at my breakfast table in the dark (outside) I find myself instinctively releasing tension in my shoulders when I notice it.

So much of performance  anxiety is allowing one’s entire self to do what it can do best.  I used to say the Xtian office daily. I now believe that this kind of prayer provides a distraction for me, a mis-direction, if you will, that allows me to just be, a deeper form of what I think prayer is.  The trick is to do this without the distraction. I need to go from overthinking to getting over thinking. But at least being able to distract one’s self away from self sabotage can be a step along the way.

Today I must spend the morning choosing hymns, then rehearse Mendelssohn and Mozart with my piano trio, then meet with boss (always a pleasant prospect, actually). Later in the evening Eileen and I are going up to the local Barnes & Noble to hear a friend of her’s play and sing his songs at an open mic dealy. Then I’m planning to look around B & N because my boss gave me a B & N gift certificate for Xmas.

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0 thoughts on “overthinking. over thinking.

  1. ah, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about “distracting one’s self away from self sabotage”… I’m making a serious effort lately to keep my head more balanced. I spent a whole lot of time feeling depressed and guilty about my unemployment and lack of future prospects over the last few months, and I’m determined not to keep heading in that direction. In the spirit of a fresh new year, I have managed to keep my head fairly clear for the majority of each week, only being severely upset about my situation maybe one day a week.

    anyway, I hope you find something nice at Barnes & Noble. Who is mom’s friend that’s playing?

    i love you,


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