Chatting with the young New York based dancer, I remarked to him that Holland was the most conservative place I have ever lived. Then I told him what I sometimes say: “Who wants to live where you agree with everyone?”

This young man was actually raised in Holland. My guess is that he comes from a fairly sophisticated affluent background which enabled his career. He did not, fortunately, attend Hope.

So he whether he himself sees himself as conservative or liberal, he understood what I was saying. He also said that he didn’t think that he and his girlfriend would end up living in New York even though they were buying a place there.

Later I was thinking about this and began wondering if I was incorrect in assuming that Holland is the only conservative place I have lived. Before my father died, he and my mother were invited to Greeneville Tennessee to celebrated some sort of centennial with the church community he served there. I didn’t go, but I did get to see the celebratory video that was made of the celebrations which included a huge carnival on the lawn of the new church building and excerpts of services and communal meals.

The entire thing felt like a Republican advertisement. One thing that struck me was the absence of black bodies and faces. I remember that Greeneville had a black population on the other side of the tracks. I don’t remember seeing many black people as a child. I do remember that at one point I saw a black person and commented, “Look, Mommy, a chocolate person!” So it must have been novel for me to see people of color.

My dad told a story that he heard from the editor of the town newspaper that a national magazine wanted to come in and profile Greeneville in the 60s. They wanted to feature the absence of racial tension. The local editor was dead set against it. He felt that it would stir things up and ruin the quiescent tenor of the place.

I do remember that where to buy cheap diazepam after my Dad and Mom had moved to Flint Michigan in 1963, they were considering joining in the civil rights demonstrations in the south. They said that when they contacted friends in the south about possibly coming and staying with them, they were told that if that was the reason they were coming, they were not welcome.

I don’t remember them mentioning people by name, but I can’t help but wonder if it was some of the people in Greeneville.

My brother was born in Greeneville and I spent my childhood there.

It looks like living in Holland is a bit of a return to the environment of my childhood. It’s just this time I’m a bit more aware of the prevailing tone of so-called conservatism.

I says so-called because I don’t think that many conservative pundits and politicians seem  interested in “conserving” much. By their own description it’s as though they long for a time in America which doesn’t seem to have existed.

Destroying government is a radical notion, not one that “conserves.”

And of course there are the fringe (or not so fringe, see Santorum, Gingrich and Limbaugh) expressions of puritanism, racism and sexism.

The stuff that fires up the base, I guess.  Disturbing to witness.

It’s a weird time to be alive.

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Alexandra Harris on Modernism | FiveBooks | The Browser

I’ve just noticed these columns on The Browser. Apparently they ask the person being interviewed to recommend five books.

They’ve just published an ebook of 2011 interviews I am tempted to purchase.

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Tony Judt: A Final Victory by Jennifer Homans | The New York Review of Books

Article about Judt by his widow.

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Tree-hopping dinosaur had iridescent feathers, research suggests | GMA News Online | The Go-To Site for Filipinos Everywhere

I love it that some dinosaurs might have had feathers.

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Saint’s Preserved Heart Stolen From Dublin Church – NYTimes.com

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Quest to Clarify Bin Laden’s Last Days Yields Vexing Accounts – NYTimes.com

Trying to document the last days and hours.

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Number of U.S. Hate Groups on the Rise, Report Says – NYTimes.com

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Reforms for the New Upper Class – NYTimes.com

The conservative Charles Murray defends and extends his recent arguments.

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I have been feeling pressure from church stuff and family stuff. Somehow, after my first ballet class, I felt the cloud lifting. After three more classes I was walking home thinking it was exceptionally good to be alive!

Not sure what to ascribe this to. Some of it is the release of simply sitting and improvising. The visiting young teacher was fun to work with. He has a droll sense of humor and no detectable arrogance even though he seem to scare the shit out of the students, probably with his reputation and career.

Some of it had to be the weather which has been exceptionally lovely. It’s a bit warmer (not warm) and the wind has been blowing like a crazed frantic dog in the air.

Also I was looking forward to martinis and conversation with lovely wife after she got off work.

All of it seemed to combine and lift my cloud which seems to be still absent this morning.

Having finished off Ginsberg’s little book of poetry, I thought it might be nice to turn instead to reading Anne Sexton’s poetry.

I continue to read ten or so Dream Songs by Berryman a day. I do find him a bit dated in his misogyny and outright licentious sexism.

Still this is his sitz im leben. I find it tiresome when people try and convict historical figures with only the contemporary understanding of issues. The founding fathers were slave owners. Yes it was wrong, but we cannot self-righteously imagine ourselves into their situation any more than we can into the heads of their slaves.

I began reading the introduction to The Complete Poems of Anne Sexton. I have long admired her work and am thinking it might be interesting to read her like I did William Carlos Williams, that is: straight through her opus.

I found it interesting if she was alive she would be two years young than my mother. She committed suicide in 1974.

I’m about half way through the introduction to the Complete Poems.

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Dire Poverty Falls Despite Global Slump, Report Finds – NYTimes.com

Good news, if it’s true.

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Super Tuesday – NYTimes.com

Poking holes in the Republican candidates. Shooting fish in a barrel.

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I had a dream last night which seems to me to have obvious symbolism. There are three things about it that persist in my mind this morning. The dream seemed to take place at a camp, presumably a church camp, where my father was in charge.  He actually was the head dude at a summer church camp which I recall was called Camp Caesar, somewhere in the south.

In the dream, we were all swimming in a river. But the frustrating thing was the rock bed of the river was very very shallow, so that we skimmed along the top of surface. I kept wanting to go deeper, but my father warned me not too.

The second thing in the dream was that he warned me not to go too far in the river.

He was calling me back.

Interesting aside: When my father was director of Camp Caesar there was a drowning in the pool. He was always troubled by it and felt that there was more to the story than the fact that a camper had broken into the locked pool and gone swimming alone.

The third thing was that there was music in the camp and I remember reflecting how easy it would be for me to write some of it, fitting vapid tunes to vapid words.

This all seems like a dream response to the vapidity of events at my church this week.  Nothing dire, but as usual I feel a bit caught in other people’s conception of church as comfortable and mediocre.  I try to duck this sort of thing because it has such an ill effect on me.

Maybe tonight I’ll dream of dodge ball.

Finished off Kaddish and other poems by Allen Ginsberg this morning. Re-reading Ginsberg I find that I have a tenderness towards him as man and poet. I find his poetry surprisingly meaningful and beautiful.

I search in vain for what William Carlos Williams described derogatorily as his profanity or something when he encouraged Thomas Merton to read him.

For me, Ginsberg is the opposite of profane. I find him very spiritual and helpful in pondering contemporary madness.

Will probably continue to read him.

I received another book in the mail recently and began reading a bit in it yesterday. In Destructive Emotions: How Can We Overcome Them? A scientific dialog with the Dalai Lama narrated by Daniel Goleman, I was fascinated to read the results of fMRIs on the brain of a meditating Buddhist monk.

These tests were conducted early in this century and revealed groundbreaking aspects of the stages of Buddhist meditation, all of which apparently are detectable and defy what was previously thought about how the brain moves from emotive state to emotive state.

fMRIs are apparently MRI videos.

I ordered this book from my PaperBack Exchange account where I have built up credits by mailing off books to other people when requested.

I search the PaperBack Exchange site regularly when I get interested in someone like Daniel Goleman.

I finished reviewing my reading notes on his book on Denial this morning and began moving ahead with reading in it. The problem is that the brain science is dated because it was written in the 80s.  However I am still learning from it.

And it dovetails nicely with Freud, Religion, and the Roaring Twenties by my friend, Henry Idema which is teaching me a lot about Freud.

It’s funny to keep returning to Freud, but I recall someone (Harold Bloom?) said that he was actually at his best when considered an essayist. So I think of him a bit like that more than as a groundbreaker in the “science” of the study of mind (psychology).

Feeling pressure yesterday I retreated in Mozart, Beethoven and escape reading (besides the books mentioned I eventually devolved into the last volume of The Hunger Games).

I have a full day planned today. I am taking my Mom to see her new shrink for a second time. Then ballet classes. My regular teachers are going to be absent. One of the substitutes is a dancer from the dance company Mobius. I might have that wrong. I just looked at Mobius’s web site and I don’t see a familiar name.

Anyway, that should be interesting.

At the end of the day, Eileen and I have a dinner date. I look forward to that.

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I put this here because I couldn’t get it to show up on Facebook. It was shared by Lou Beach, the author of 420 Characters. He continues to put up short vignettes on Facebook which I enjoy.

I know this is kind of sleazy, but it does say something about the far right.

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Internet History Sourcebooks

This seems to be an online source for a bunch of free access to history books, essays, links and docs organized by subject. Intereting.

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Egyptian Lawmaker Resigns After Lying About Nose Job – NYTimes.com

This is a pretty bizarre story of lying.

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Holder Explains Threat That Would Call for Killing Without Trial – NYTimes.com

Blood on our hands. I abhor the entire idea of treading terrorism in any way but criminal. Assassination is an arbitrary evil act that I find difficult to  justify in most cases.

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The Rediscovery of Character – NYTimes.com

Another examination of the recently deceased scholar, James Q. Wilson.

Here’s a link to the essay by Wilson from which Brooks takes his column title (and links in).

The rediscovery of character: private virtue and public policy > Public Interest > National Affairs

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The Associated Press: NY violin prodigy, now award-winning fundraiser

Inspiring little story about how much difference one diligent young person can make in the world. And music.

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The tinny electronic chime on our clock just rang out that it’s 7 AM (it actually chimes at 7:02 I have discovered).  I did the follow up on my Mom’s care yesterday. Spoke to her psych nurse who told me they were “discharging” Mom from in-home care. It was unclear to me if this was because she was refusing services from the occupational therapist member of their “team” or because her psych med doses are unchanged at this point.

The psych nurse said I might be missing things in my Mom’s behavior that would help me better understand her functioning. This is funny because that was exactly my thought about the psych nurse. She did exceed my expectation by being familiar with Mom’s current meds.

I took her advise to heart and questioned the person the psych nurse suggested I talked to at Resthaven where Mom is living.

This person seems to be in charge of the care given to residents. She was much less sure that Mom needed to go immediately into more supportive care and classified Mom as borderline between “independent” living and supportive care.

I put “independent” in quotes because Mom is thankfully not all that independent in her present circumstances. She does not administer her own meds, the nurses do and I am particularly grateful for this having done this little duty for Mom and Dad was Dad’s competency plummeted and Mom’s mental health went into a spin.

After talking to the person in charge I chatted with Mom. She seems open but not enthusiastic about moving to supportive care. She is improving very gradually. Her affect has returned to her face. Her awareness of her surroundings is much higher than it was. She is not as weak or confused as she was three or four weeks ago.

Unfortunately, I do think if this is a plateau she has reached rather than a stage in recovering some of her functioning that she probably needs supportive care.

But for the time being we are waiting to see if she continues to improve.

I also arranged to meet with my Mom’s estate lawyer today.

He had indicated that Mom is at the point we need to reassess managing her assets. Not sure what this means, but this guy’s knowledge of the law around these issues exceeds local judges. He helped tremendously to salvage large amounts of Dad’s estate so that Mom could be provided for and Dad was able to receive excellent end of life care.

Eileen is going to be present for some of this. My brother Mark will be there “telephonically” (the lawyer’s phrase).

All of this  is taking a good deal of time and mental and emotional energy. I love my Mom and I love family, but I also want to be careful not to spend more time and energy on this than is healthy for me.

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People Aren’t Smart Enough for Democracy to Flourish, Scientists Say – Yahoo! News

Incompetent People Too Ignorant to Know It | LifesLittleMysteries.com

This links are for Nick who actually read the Micheal essay I linked in at the last post.  The first article credits the second. They both refer to some recent research that indicates most of us are not aware of our own lack of abilities and competence. Since I am largely an autodidact (despite years of schooling), self assessment is very important to me. Thinking about my own lack of awareness (and denial) helps me get closer to having perspective.

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Home | LifesLittleMysteries.com

This web site seems to have interesting links and articles. I have bookmarked  it for future checking. It is the source of one of the links above.

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Words from the Dictionary of American Regional English | People & Places | Smithsonian Magazine

I love words:

Those fluffy bits beneath the bed, for instance, are dust kitties (Northeast), dust bunnies (Midwest), house moss (South) or woolies (Pennsylvania)

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Why wait? Six ways that Congress could fix copyright, now

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Guernica / A Common Faith

Bookmarked to read.

We have had a long conversation in this country about class, race, ethnicity, and gender, how the moral, intellectual, and emotional qualities attributed to those in favored or disfavored categories create the circumstances of their lives, and, as they do so, reinforce an acceptance of the belief that these qualities are real, these characterizations are true. When there were no women in medical school or law school, or in higher education, it was easy to believe that they would not be able to endure their rigors. We in this country are fortunate to have a moderately constant loyalty to the idea of equality that has moved us to test the limits imposed by these cultural patterns, some of them very ancient, some of them once virtually universal and now still deeply entrenched in many parts of the world.

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Benediction by F. Scott Fitzgerald

In his book on Religion and the Twenties, my friend and colleague, Henry Idema quotes from this short story. The whole thing is online. Cool. I admit I looked it up because I couldn’t believe a character was named Kieth (Is this pronounced KYE eth? or is it just another spelling of Keith?)

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6 Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying | Cracked.com

I include this link even though it is slanted to agree with goddam liberals like me. I thought it was pretty witty. And correct.

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Tried to take a bit of Saturday off.  It was my shot at a day off last week.

I ended up having to play a funeral in the morning. Eileen and I went out to eat at Panera and then went to see Star Wars I in 3D. We didn’t realize we had already seen it in 2D. But what the heck. It sure is a long movie, thin on plot. The 3D was a bit contrived in places as well.

Yesterday I performed two preludes from Shostakovich’s Preludes and Fugues for Piano, Opus 87, one for the prelude and one for the postlude. I was very surprised when one parishioner whom I’m pretty sure thinks I’m a musical hack was complimentary about these pieces.

I did play them well, I think.

Satisfying.

One of the choir members pointed out that the Calefax Reed Quintet which recently performed here in Holland played transcriptions of Shostakovich’s Preludes and Fugues for Piano, Opus 87. Serendipity.

I came home and poked around online but could not find MP3s of these recordings to listen to. I settled for listening to a transcription of them for brass ensemble. It is interesting to hear these pieces played this way. It helps me hear them more clearly when a separate instrument is playing each line.

I am feeling a bit tired this morning. I am dreading calling my Mom’s psych nurse. I’m afraid she is going to recommend that Mom be moved to assisted-living. I’m dreading this because I don’t have confidence that this nurse is totally up to speed with Mom’s evolving condition. So I will have to quiz her (again) about what she knows about Mom’s meds and other health care providers. Then I will have to make up my mind what to recommend to Mom.

Fuck.

Here I am again over analyzing and anticipating events before they occur. The curse of my brain, I guess.

I mostly plan to take it easy this morning. I will probably treadmill. Then it’s off to play 4 ballet classes. They will most surely do post mortems on the recent dance concert I attended. Unfortunately, as I think I mentioned here, there was no program so the intention of the dances were not as clear as they might have been. And of course I had to guess who choreographed what and what music they were using if I didn’t recognize it.

I had a weird series of emails recently, in which the writer invited me to enter my choir into a choral competition in a nearby city. Very little info in the email other than a cell phone number which “Gregg” (no last name) wanted me to call and discuss it with him. I emailed him back that I needed a bit more info. He replied with another sketchy email with no mention of sponsor or intent of the competition. I told him it sounded vague and that I was going to pass. He emailed me again. I declined again.

I resisted asking if he was emailing me from Nigeria. It might be legit. But if it is it’s either naively or badly organized. Either way, I’m not interested in attempting to drag my choir somewhere only to find out we are the only classical choir in an American Idol type pop choir competition.

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Have You No Shame, Rush? – NYTimes.com

Salient observations from Maureen Dowd. I particularly liked this:

Rush and Newt Gingrich can play the studs, marrying again and again until they find the perfect adoring young wife. But women pressing for health care rights are denigrated as sluts.

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When States Abuse Women – NYTimes.com

Texas.

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The Scholar and the Rascal – NYTimes.com

Interesting comparison of the lives of two recently deceased peopleby a conservative commentator (“right-wing provocateur Andrew Breitbart and the neoconservative scholar James Q. Wilson”  both obits showed up in my links a few days ago).

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College Doesn’t Make You Liberal – NYTimes.com

Some statistics about political leanings of students and teachers…. yes a lot of college students are “liberal” but they were either that way when they arrived or reflect the usual loosening up of their age group…  I wonder how true this is for college campuses where I have spent time like U of Notre Dame and Hope College…..

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Obama to Iran and Israel: ‘As President of the United States, I Don’t Bluff’ – Jeffrey Goldberg – International – The Atlantic

Good interview.  Here’s an analysis I’m part way through:

Obama, Explained – Magazine – The Atlantic

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“But there are secrets, secrets, I may yet—
hidden in history & theology, hidden in rhyme—
come on to understand.“

Dream Song 159, John Berryman

Reading these lines this morning they seemed to me like an epigraph for an essay.

Yesterday I was reading in my new ebook copy of How to Live or a Life of Montaigne in one question and twenty attempts at an answer by Sarah Blackwell. She points out the original meaning of essay:

Essayer, in French, means simply to try. To essay something is to test or taste it, or give it a whirl.

I have long been fond of Montaigne’s essays. I thought it might be nice to have them sitting in an ebook as well as the lovely paperback edition of M. A. Screech’s translation I own.

And sure enough there they are sitting online free in Charles Cotton’s 1877 translation.

(link to Manybook.net page where you can download it in various ebook formats for free)

I continue to ponder Don N. Micheal’s insights about context. (N.B. I think I have found an online version of his essay entitled “Some Observations on a Missing Elephant” link . I highly recommend reading it for yourself.)

I give context quite a bit of thought. Micheal lists it as both an example of our contemporary blindness to the disintegration of systems (elephants) which he calls “The Dilemma of Context.”

He asks how many layers of context will we plumb as we orient ourselves to a given question or idea? Is it possible to limit these layers?

But then in his list of response to our mutual ignorance he also mentions context. To be “context alert” is to retain some deep understanding in a small number of areas at the same time cultivating an awareness of the always multivalent “depth of complexity of ‘differing values, priorities, contexts, boundaries and so on.’”

I find this a question for thinkers. When I gingerly test others about context in conversations, I often find that I not many are thinking about what is “hidden in history & theology— hidden in rhyme.” (Berryman’s words above)

Is it any wonder I resonate with Michael’s insights?

As I read and think a parade of ghosts surround me. Allen Ginzberg proclaims his beautiful insights into the poetry of life…. John Berryman mourns Delmore Schwarz and guiltily celebrates the young female poets he lusts after…. Montaigne’s visage is serene and self-ironic as he shares insights that are common to all people…

Then there is the context of musicians. I am constantly in the company of people like Shostakovich, Schubert, Bach and on and on.

Context is important. It may be my strongest reality.

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Obama Backs Student in Furor With Limbaugh on Birth Control – NYTimes.com

This is probably a tempest in a teapot, but it is interesting and the student involved seems to have a clear strength of her convictions. Admirable.

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James Q. Wilson Dies at 80 – Originated ‘Broken Windows’ Policing Strategy – NYTimes.com

Speaking of context, I didn’t admire everything this guy came up with but I think he had hold of an important part of an elephant of sorts. (Get it? Blind men and elephant story which is debunked by Don N. Michael in the contemporary context? I mentioned to Eileen recently that I benefit from being an anachronism in my thinking about values and context…. I suspect Wilson did as well)

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Maurice André, Star of Classical Trumpet, Dies at 78 – NYTimes.com

Another man done gone. I liked the way this guy elegantly blasted his way through repertoire.

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Crushing Homs – NYTimes.com

Syria Keeps Red Cross Out of Homs After Rebels Leave – NYTimes.com

The Syrian situation continues to be troubling. Interesting Putin quotes in the second article.

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Santorum and the Sexual Revolution – NYTimes.com

More damning clear talk about this confused man.

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Calling for an End to Phony Military Discharges – NYTimes.com

This article exposes some troubling but predictable nonsense from the government about mistreating vets. Blah.

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In a couple of hours, I am playing a funeral of an elderly man. The last time we spoke, he was wearing a breathing apparatus and was asking me about a hymn.

He was wondering if it was in our hymnals (since we print a lot of hymnody). I don’t remember the hymn, but he said he was going to need it soon. I presume we are singing it this morning at his funeral.

Death is kind of a theme this morning. I am reading the section in Berryman’s The Dream Songs where he gives way to several poems in memory of Delmore Schwarz who had recently died.

I like Schwarz but I found Berryman’s elegies a bit self referential to the world of poetry he knew. In his style of tell all relentless self scrutiny I suppose this sort of thing is inevitable.

I also suspect the fatigue is my own. Yesterday I felt a continual hum of mental of fatigue.

Mostly at the troubles of others around me. By the end of the day, I wanted nothing more than a martini and a conversation with my wife. Which is how we ended the day. Followed by attending a dance concert at which I recognized a good number of the dancers from my classes. There were no programs (ran out), so we as an audience were left to guess at the context and creators of each piece.

I think I figured out most of the choreographers.

This morning I finished In Search of the Missing Elephant by Don N. Michael. I am sure he is on to something. His insights resonate with me, but not necessarily with you, dear reader, which is why I will put them in different section below at the end of the daily links.

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Andrew Breitbart, Conservative Blogger, Dies at 43 – NYTimes.com

This man was born the year I graduated from high school. Ahem.

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The Machiavellian Temptation – NYTimes.com

A few thoughts on changing one’s behavior from David Brooks.

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Four Fiscal Phonies – NYTimes.com

Krugman accurately parses the false rhetoric of the Republican candidates about fiscal policies.

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Contraception War Goes On – NYTimes.com

insights from an historical warrior in the contraception war

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Will Wall Street Ever Face Justice? – NYTimes.com

I’m gonna say no.

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How drone war became the American way of life – Opinion – Al Jazeera English

Haven’t read this one yet.

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The higher birtherism – Opinion – Al Jazeera English

Excellent article about how misconceptions cannot be recalled once they enter world wide dissemination. Explains a lot.

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6 ways we don’t know what we are talking about (from Don N. Michael) … not only are we the blind men in the elephant story but we are the blind storyteller.

1. We have too much and too little information.

Information come at us fast and furious. Too much to process. The feedback loop is slower than real time so we process too late.

2. We have not set of shared set of value priorities.

3. the Dilemma of Context contributes to our mutual ignorance

“How many layers of understanding are necessary to have enough background to deal with the foreground?” asks Michael in this section.

4. Spoken language is too linear to map complexities that need mapping.

5. An increasing unavoidable absence of boundaries in our lives.

Without defined boundaries, there is no system… i.e. no elephant..

6.  Self-amplifying unpredictable acting out of the shadow side of each of us….

Michael admits that the shadow side of humans is where creativity resides, but points out that “often, in this complex world, the shadow is also in the service of violence, oppression, selfishness extreme positions of all stripes.”

Hmmmm. Reminds me of what passes for political rhetoric in the US right now.

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8 responses to the fact of our mutual ignorance, blindness

1. We are unavoidably seekers of meaning as humans

2. It seems essential to acknowledge vulnerability and finiteness both in ourselves and our works

3. We must seek a poverty of spirit in the sense of “being poor in pride and arrogance and in the conviction I/we know what is right and wrong, what must be done, and how to do it.”

4. We must act in hope, not optimism.

5. Our commitments but “tentative commitments…” that is looking at situations carefully, committing ourselves to action but at the same time recognizing we may well be wrong and continual evaluate our direction

6. We must be “context alert.”

This means acknowledging that you can only be deeply understanding a few matters because of the depth of complexity of “differing values, priorities, contexts, boundaries and so on.”

7. We must be learners/teachers: question askers.

8. We must practice compassion….

“Given the circumstances I have described, facing life requires all the compassion we can bring to others and to ourselves. Be as self-conscious as possible, as much of the time as possible, and thereby recognize that we all live in illusion, we all live in ignorance, and we all search for and need meaning. We all need help facing that reality, and that help goes by the name of compassion.

“The blind must care for the blind.”

Don Micheal

I finished the penultimate chapter of In Search of the Missing Elephant: essays by Don N. Michael this morning, “Leadership’s Shadow: The Dilemma of Denial.”  I bought the book and decided to read it with an eye on the last essay in the book, “Some Observations with regard to a Missing Elephant.” So I’m looking forward to finally reading it.

In the meantime this last essay has some very salient observations and insight especially when set against a national presidential campaign.

Michael is basically asking the question how can we understand the present and the future when it is so chaotic? And what does this mean for how we run our societies and the world?

He attempts constantly to unearth hidden assumptions and taboos.

Here’s his list of questions that emerged after World Wars I and II that “opened certain conventionally unexamined representations of social reality to questioning and to changes in conduct.”

“the sufficiency of the belief in the civilizing contributions of education and reason….

the legitimacy of white colonial goals and norms,

the responsibility of government for the welfare of its citizens,

and the banality of evil, all emerged as legitimate issues for public examination.”

Michaels noted that contemporary political conversations fail to take into account unconscious taboos and needs that guide us and our leadership.

He says that as humans experience the dissolution and chaos of their societies that these will turn into “generative circumstances—the disasters,accomplishments and conflicts…” and that humans might “learn from them that which might moderate behavior into the compassionate ways needed to live humanely…. That is we might interpret our experiences in such ways as to engender values and a psychology that sustains a society of explorers—learners.” [emphasis added]

I love this paragraph:

“But perhaps it isn’t necessary that most people deeply understand the world they live in? Perhaps the underlying mess and current ignorance about what to do about it need not be acknowledge? Perhaps we can depend on an innate something to bring out the right judgments in the population—the heart’s reasons, so to speak? This perennial belief  arguably had some validity in simpler days, when the republicanism perceived social reality pretty well matched that described by sophisticated observers. But not today and tomorrow! Or, indeed, even yesterday. For example, the constructors of the US Constitution were quite explicit in their understanding that the common good depended on more than an inchoate impulse to do the right thing, to choose the right leaders. It depended on an electorate educated in and acting out a commitment to civic virtue.”

Michaels has helped me distinguish between hope and optimism. It seems to me like a time to retain hope in the face of the inability to be realistically optimistic.

My stupid left ear is stopped up this morning. Blah. Sipping hot lemon water. At breakfast Eileen and I were laughing about being old and having gross body stories to tell (not just ours, but other people’s as well). Life is pretty good, really.

I have lighter day today. One class, one meeting with the boss, but my trio has canceled. So even though I enjoy the trio, it’s nice to have time off. I probably will do the groceries. Fascinating, eh?

My copy of Goleman’s Vital Lies, Simple Truths arrived in the mail yesterday.

I am using my notes to mark up the new (used) book. Then I will keep my notes in the book itself which is my usual procedure.

I am also finishing off In Search of the Missing Elephant: Selected essays by Donald N. Michael. This is where I found the reference to Goleman’s book.

Michael and Goleman seem particularly apt when witnessing the madness of the Republican nominee race.

Michael says that leaders face the taboo of actually naming the problem. Most importantly that societal problems have gotten so complex they are beyond analytic thinking and that most people trying to do this thinking have been “mal-educated” (this seems to be a word Michael has coined).

Leaders by obfuscating, talk the talk of denial. In Santorum’s case I believe he is talking the talk of the narrow language of puritanical ethics that is in itself largely wrong-headed. So maybe he is a bit more consistent than some of the others, but no less frightening.

I do know that he carried western Michigan in Tuesday’s primaries. I see the puritanical stance as one of denial of what is best in humanity. But of course that’s just little ol me. Heh.

I suppose I should clarify that rigid moral codes are more appropriate for individuals to be free to exercise than for society at large which is much more complex and diverse than Calvinism and Catholicism (as it is presently promulgated).

In my lifetime I have witnessed time and time again people with rigid moral codes reevaluate them when they have to apply them to real life situations. I actually see this as a saving grace, not a bad thing.

So when a staunch opponent to abortion suddenly sees things a bit different when his or her young daughter is pregnant, I find that a good thing.

I avoid the word conservative because I don’t think what is being debated in the public sphere really connects to conserving or liberating anything.

It’s more about winning and a weird reduction of politics from a way to come to an agreement about how to live as a society to a sports event where the victors take all.

Certainly this is not a democratic thought.

But enough.

It’s odd how much time I spend thinking about this sort of thing and reading books like the ones by Goleman and Michael when in fact most of my time is taken up thinking about beauty (music, poetry, art) and its context (history, contemporary world wide instances  of music, poetry and art).

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John Berryman Poems, Biography and Quotes – by American Poems

Is this cool or what? A page of links to tons of Berryman’s poems. I am currently on Dream Song 127 (out of 385).

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Ugandan Lawmakers Push Anti-Homosexuality Bill Again – NYTimes.com

Kill the gay people. Tolerance is an expression of neo-colonialism. Good grief.

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Bailiffs in London Dismantle St. Paul’s Occupy Camp – NYTimes.com

Thus the government quietly destroys another good thing with the complicity of the organized church. Is it any wonder I think these institutions are useless?

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Chukchansi Indian Tribe’s Dispute Heats Up in California – NYTimes.com

Amazing tribal infighting.

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Iran Calls Nuclear Arms Production ‘a Great Sin’ – NYTimes.com

Iranian foreign policy as ironic mind shattering cognitive dissonance.

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Virginia Ultrasound Bill Passes as Other States Take Notice – NYTimes.com

Despite back pedaling Virginia and other states continue to regulate wombs.

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Florida – Woman Charged in Burning of Giant Tree – NYTimes.com

What can I say? She burned a tree. A tree. Oy. Humans make me so doggone tired.

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Supreme Court Debates Rights Case Against Companies – NYTimes.com

The supreme court of the land continues to dither about whether companies are individuals, now they add a dash of international law.

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A Sorensen’s View on Santorum and the J.F.K. Speech – NYTimes.com

Ted Sorenson’s daughter who is also a law prof chides Santorum on his lack of historical understanding.

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I’ve landed on the lovely prelude of Shostakovich’s Prelude and Fugue in G # minor piece for the Prelude for Sunday.

I think it fits a meditative mood for Lent.

And the Prelude from his Prelude and Fugue in Ab Major for the postlude.

I figure this is melodic enough to at least be present while the cong chats its way to the exits.

Of course I have been playing and thinking about this music recently, so it’s nice to have a place to at least play them in public.

Finished this last night. On to volume 2 which since it wasn’t sitting on the shelves at the library I bought as an ebook and began reading.

Romney won the Republican primary yesterday. Surprising how many votes Santorum received. What I hear of his rhetoric seems mad and full of hate (JFK’s separation of church and state made him throw-up…. Andy Borowitz, the comedian, suggested Santorum was interested in forming a new way to run his country called Stirch. Get it?)

Our janitor at church is obviously Republican and was wearing an “I Voted” sticker. I have to admire this genial guy as he sits in a room with mostly rabid anti-Republicans. We had a luncheon yesterday honoring Henry Idema who is retiring. Henry hates Republicans for sure and is a vocal kind of guy.

How Pop Culture Influences Political Expectations | Truthout

I keep thinking about this interview (which I did eventually read). Gabler has insights about how our political culture is dissolving into a movie where it’s who beats the bad guy (the opponent) that counts and not issues. As Gabler says: governing is a bad movie.

A couple of quotes I marked:

On American cynicism Americans are deeply cynical about politics generally. And one of the reasons we’re cynical is because we get it. We get how it works.

What Gabler wants from better candidates I want to know who a candidate really is. I want him to speak honestly and forcefully to me. And I also want to understand policy-wise what choices is he going to make? What interests are we going to– is he going to serve? You know, these are questions that are almost never addressed in a political campaign and yet they’re the fundamental questions of a political campaign.

A better definition of  “politics” When I say politics I don’t mean the horse race aspect of it. I mean the bargaining, the negotiations, the policy, all of those things which are the essence of real politics and political decision making, Americans hate that and they are cynical about that. They feel it doesn’t work.

Democracy or a movie Movies are clean. Democracy is a mess. That’s what makes it democracy.

Implications of  politics as movie. When we get into the cold light of the sidewalk after the movie is over, what is the impact of all this? What is it going to mean for my life? What is it going to mean for America? And if we don’t start asking those questions we can’t move this forward at all.

Apathy is a sickness and term limits are not more than a symptom of that inaction. “The price of Freedom is in fact Eternal Vigilance” Thomas Jefferson…

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Took the performance scores of my piece “Postlude on Erhalt uns” for piano trio and re-edited the originals to reflect corrections and emendations from Sunday’s performance. This piece is now available on my “Free Mostly Original Sheet Music” page.

My cellist told my wife I should publish this piece. Hah. As usual, I remain unconvinced of my commercial potential but not of the worth of doing what I do.  Quite the contrary. I like my stuff and I like doing it. I dread marketing or convincing others of the worth of it.

I have been reading in the Readings for the Daily Office from the Early Church recently and posting anything interesting on the Facebook Grace Music Ministry page.

I used to pray the office daily.

I used to have a lot more religion. I don’t think I had a lot of religion just more than I have now.

As I told Henry Idema, I don’t have the “gift of faith.”

Other gifts, sure. Just not that one.

I don’t mean I feel “gifted.” I mean that I have some things in my life that have been given to me to enjoy and do well. Just not faith.

Another poem by Ginsberg came blasting into my head this morning.

I recommend reading it because it is truly prophecy as well as poetry:

Death to Van Gogh’s Ear! by Allen Ginsberg

I like the ending. It gives you a flavor of the poem.

Money! Money! Money! shrieking mad celestial money of     illusion! Money made of nothing, starvation, suicide! Money of failure! Money of death!

Money against Eternity! and eternity’s strong mills grind out vast paper of Illusion!

Anyway, I like the poem.

Today I want to pick organ music for this weekend. Last weekend was a big effort with all the Mozart and original composition. This weekend it’s my intention to choose music that wont require tons of prep.

I continue to play through the Shostakovitch Preludes and Fugues.

I found an interesting YouTube channel yesterday which specializes in recordings of composers playing their works.

20th Century Composers play their own Work – YouTube

I notice there are a couple of Shostakovitch playing from his Preludes and Fugues. I haven’t listened to them yet, but plan to.

I also found a new collection of illustrations of Grimm Fairy tales.

It’s not very expensive ($23.99 on Amazon). It looks excellent.

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The Mother Courage of Rock by Luc Sante | The New York Review of Books

Article on Patti Smith’s works. My daughter Elizabeth has been reading her and went to see her recently.

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Shadow and Smoke by Charles Wright | The New York Review of Books

Nice little poem by Charles Wright.

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The New World of William Carlos Williams by Adam Kirsch | The New York Review of Books

Found an essay about WCW yesterday.

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Independence for Scotland? – NYTimes.com

This article elucidates some of the intricacies and history of the British Isles I didn’t know.

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At San Francisco State, a Split Over Its High-Tech Library – NYTimes.com

High tech hits the liberry. Bout time.

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When Truisms Are True – NYTimes.com

The context (such as physically sitting in or out of a box) turns out to be important to thinking processes. Makes sense actually. Sort of a liturgical idea being shaped by immediate experience of environment.

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The Greatness of Ike – NYTimes.com

Can you spot the inaccuracies and  logical fallacies in this article? Nothing against Ike, just the columnist.

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Media’s Weird Ethics: Pretending to Be Someone Else Is Worse Than Facilitating Global Catastrophe

History is a motherfucker. Turns out under cover journalism is not new or even necessarily unethical. Never mind.

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Two strings and a piano are evidently insufficient as a postlude against the onslaught of chatter and relief of a group of people in a church who had been holding their breath throughout the first Sunday of Lent. It’s a shame, but not that big a shame.

I’m referring to yesterday’s performance of my little piece based on the closing hymn.  I am calmly satisfied today, but realize that much of the beauty seem to miss the mark yesterday. The beauty was there, I think, in the music and the prayers. That is sufficient for me.

The early Sunday morning found me at my silent keyboard, headphones on, carefully preparing my piano parts for the day. The performances later were similar as I reentered the quiet space of doing music. The Mozart piano trio went pretty well and was of course beautiful. But I was most proud of my performance of my piece, tucked in between the rushing conversations of people fleeing the room around me.

I made the piece too gentle and sublte for a postlude even though that was the title I gave it: “Postlude on Erhalt Uns.”  But our clear little performance of it was rewarding.

Maybe now I can return to some more composing.

I realize that I rarely perform for “audiences” at church. By “audience” I mean the silent conversation of energy between the listener, the composer and the performer. Instead music is tucked in between what people are doing or think they are doing at the time. We are more accustomed to invisible music. Music made by clever machines for dull ears doing something else.

Elevator music gone wild, blooming into a larger horror than ever imagined and offered to the unaware as they wait for the moment to stop and they get out.

Anyway, yesterday went very well. Eileen and I came home, grabbed something to eat and then went to check on my Mom at the nursing home. She was laying in bed fully clothed. She feels sheepish I think when we come in and she is in bed as usual even though her comfy chair has been repaired. She got up and sat it in it and chatted with us a while which is a good sign. Her main theme now is that her back hurts her quite a bit. This makes sense as we have tried to lower her confusion (increase her coherence and awareness?) and strengthen her by changing a dose in one of her pain meds.

When she was filling out (when I was helping her fill out) her intake form for her new psychologist, she indicated that she is lonely and depressed. Hopefully Eileen and/or I can pop over more often and just chat with her like we did yesterday. It does seem to raise her spirits a bit.

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The Error Iceberg – NYTimes.com

Examination of newspaper errors in general and errors in the  NYT in specific.

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How Pop Culture Influences Political Expectations | Truthout

Bill Moyers and Neal Gabler on this topic.  Video and transcript.

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Iran and Israel Share Bonds – NYTimes.com

Surprising facts about Iran, Israel and Iranian Jews.

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Ghent Altarpiece Gets Own Interactive Web Site – NYTimes.com

I love this stuff. There is a link to the site in the article.

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A Doctor on How Physicians Face the End of Life – WSJ.com

Common sense on the last phase of life: Attributes of “… a graceful death…” include “… being comfortable and in control, having a sense of closure, making the most of relationships and having family involved in care.”

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“Industrious, affable, having brain on fire
Henry perplexed himself; others gave up; “

John Berryman, Dream Song 58

Like I did with my initial read of Paterson by William Carlos Williams I am basically just reading Berryman’s The Dream Songs cold without any background reading or information other than consulting the dictionary.

I have always done this sort of thing: throw myself right into something complex. I admire Zappa for this. Having only a high school education, as a young percussionist he threw himself into the world of Edgar Varese.

At my age, this is only one of my approaches. I discovered recently that Paterson has been revised and edited by Christopher MacGowan. He is the surviving editor of the two volumes of WCW I just finished and was solely responsible for the second volume. It’s only a matter of time until I pick up his Paterson and learn more about WCW’s incredible poem.

As I pondered The Dream Songs this morning the dictionary yielded excellent results. Examples of new words I learned:

tinchel – a circle of sportsmen who surround an extensive space and gradually close in on game… Gaelicl, timchiol circuit

The tinchel closes. Terror, & plunging, swipes.
I lay my ears back. I am about to die.

Dream Song 56

Issa – Haiku poet, Kobayashi Issa… the name Issa literally means ‘one cup of tea’

Issa & his father who
sat down on the grass and took leave of each other.

nitid – bright, lustrous Latin nitidus – shining bright nit[ere] to glisten

Nitid. They are shooting me full of sings.
I give no rules. Write as short as you can,

both of these words from Dream Song 54

You get the idea. There were several more just this morning. I figure there are probably edited editions available with explanations if not web sites with the same. But as I said, I enjoy throwing myself directly at the art.

This morning’s upcoming service of Lent I will include some fun music: Piano trio movement by Mozart for the prelude, “Adoramus Te” by Mozart for the anthem and a world premiere of my latest composition based on the closing hymn for the postlude.

I need one last practice session this morning on the electric piano with headphones while Eileen sleeps. It will be interesting to see how this all comes off.

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Hamas Supports Syrian Opposition – NYTimes.com

Hamas and the U.S. on the same side? Weird.

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Academic Turns Grief Into Crime-Fighting Tool in Honduras – NYTimes.com

There are some brave wonderful people in the world.

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On Religion — In a New Ritual, Many Find Solace Online – NYTimes.com

Memorial Facebook pages for dead loved ones. Logical. Funeral homes are probably in a frenzy of anxiety over this one since they offer those ghastly online memorial sites. My dad has one.

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Guantánamo Conditions Have Fallen, Military Lawyers Say – NYTimes.com

The terrible story continues.

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Billy Strange, ’60s Session Guitarist, Dies at 81 – NYTimes.com

The composer of “Limbo Rock” and “A Little Less Conversation” has died.

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The last couple of mornings I have spent time playing through some of the Shostakovich Preludes and Fugues for piano. I was reminded of his work by listening to the 2008 Randy Newman Desert Island Disc program online on BBC.

They are more fun to play than listen to, I think. I feel that way about blues as well. More fun to do than hear.

The ballet class yesterday was interesting in that it preceded the opening night of the rather elaborate winter show called Dance 38. This literally means the 38th year they have presented a dance concert at Hope. Pretty amazing. Eileen and I have comp tickets for next Friday’s performance.

The dancers’ energy ranged from pale fainting anxiety to excitement.

I learned Thursday that my boss’s partner has come out of the closet at Hope. I find this encouraging. I hate working for institutions that are so filled with hate (colleges, churches) so it encourages me when I discover that good things have actually happened.

Of course now my boss and her significant other hold their breath waiting for her to get fired. They have already decided that she is going to quit in two years anyway. That partly prompted the coming out.

I also learned from another colleague that a friend of hers was shot and killed on Wednesday. It is particularly wrenching to watch people dealing with stuff like that.

I don’t mention these people by name in order to be appropriate. However, I found it interesting that in Randy Newman’s interview in 2008 he indicated that if he could come up with a good song and it offended someone he loved he still would not hesitate to make it.

When asked, he pointed to a song he wrote about his first wife, while married to his second. Her reaction was not good. She asked him not to perform it if she was at a concert, but he couldn’t remember if he respected this request or not.

I think he is an excellent song writer and composer, so it gave me food for thought since I do censor myself from time to time in order not to offend people I love or care about.

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The attic of the past, and other lyrics by Louis Ginsberg

Discovered this morning that poetry was the family business at the Ginsberg household. Allen’s dad published at least two books of poems (the first two rhyme are not terribly great) which Allen refers to in a poem I read this morning.

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Selecting a Seatmate to Make Skies Friendlier – NYTimes.com

This is kind of odd, using Facebook to select people you are willing to sit next to. I guess it makes sense if you are traveling alone. I always enjoy travelling with Eileen and would only think about this if I was heading off by myself.

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Political Lessons, From a Mother’s Losing Run – NYTimes.com

Thoughtful article about Mitt Romney’s mom who ran an unsuccessful campaign for senate and was a former movie star. Who knew?

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How to Halt the Butchery in Syria – NYTimes.com

The Syria thing is out of control. I totally abhor war, but do wonder about how we and other countries do not seem to be able to stop this. This article outlines a strategy.

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Guernica / Juan Cole: Logical Errors and Propaganda in Republican Debate on the Middle East

I admire this article which parses public speech in terms of fallacy errors.  Always a useful approach.

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Q&A: Nir Rosen’s predictions for Syria – Features – Al Jazeera English

Thoughtful observations from an on the ground observer at one of the world’s finest news organizations.

I love this:

“Law is a culture that puts other cultures, like religion and ethnicity, in a working relationship with each other. The US invasion of Iraq destroyed its legal culture. As a Kurd interpreter said to me in 2004, “Toppling a regime is like toppling a tree; you can’t just make another tree.” I believe law is a culture implicit in each human person. It is the idea that nobody is stupid, not even me, so why not work together on simple things like trash and loud noises?”

from the article at the link

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What caused collapse of Mayan civilization? | Fox News

A reduction in rainfall that might have precipitated societal unrest and/or disease.

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Are Obama, GOP hopefuls fibbing on auto bailout claims?

More clarity about obfuscation.

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Barney Rosset, Grove Press Publisher, Dies at 89 – NYTimes.com

Grove Press was a publisher I admired as a kid.

Often I looked at the spine of a book I was reading (William Burroughs, Samuel Beckett) and saw its imprint.

I didn’t know much about the press itself other than the fact that many of the books I pulled off of book store shelves to purchase and read had its imprint. So I was interested to read the obit of its founder yesterday.

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After the Ash Wed service this week I came home and fell into bed feeling like a body cold or flu was coming on.  For 48 hours, it really got no better or worse. Yesterday I did the ballet class, met with my boss and had a piano trio rehearsal feeling like any moment I would be really sick.

My piano trio read through my composition and that was fun. The violinist seem to like it. We are playing it as the postlude Sunday and that will also be fun. I am still trying to learn the piano part.

I came home and basically sat in a chair for five hours until Eileen got home.

I tried to read but basically just sat there. Finally I went to bed and listened to stuff online.

I went over to the Desert Island disks archive at BBC. I listened to a bit of the one that featured Roger Waters (Pink Floyd dude). I was appalled that they only played a chorus of his first pick and not the whole thing.

But I guess that’s the attention span thing.

His first choice was “Helpless” by Neil Young. Well I like both Pink Floyd and Neil Young but was basically bored and annoyed with this approach so I queued up the 2008 show that featured Randy Newman. It was much more interesting.

I guess I’m more interested in Newman than Pink Floyd.

Got up this morning (feeling much better) and played through a couple of  Shostakovitch preludes and fugues after listening to Newman’s choice of Shostakovitch’s 15th symphony as one of his desert island disks.

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The Emperor’s Messenger Has No Clothes: Belén Fernández Dresses Down Thomas Friedman | Truthout

I try not to dwell in my own echo chamber of sources that I’m pretty sure I agree with. But I was impressed that Fernandez has written a book that seems to agree with my assessment of Friedman ever since the Iraq war.

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I surprised myself this morning when I turned the last page on the second volume of the collected poems of William Carlos Williams. I have enjoyed reading his poetry. I think I am drawn to American voices. I am reading the rest of Allen Ginsberg’s volume of “Kaddish and Other Poems.” I also read the first twenty or so of John Berryman’s Dream Songs.

Nice lines in Berryman’s sonnets:

My psychiatrist can beat up your psychiatrist

Rilke was a jerk

Dream Song 5

Reading Ginsberg and Berryman is a return to the loves of my youth.

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Volunteers Offer Salamanders a Chance to Mate – NYTimes.com

I learned a new word in this charming little report:

“herpers — those people engaged in the act of searching out amphibians or reptiles —”

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Guantánamo Suicide Suit Disallowed – NYTimes.com

America continues to turn its back on itself.

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Mother of American Sentenced to Death in Iran Visits Him – NYTimes.com

One wonders if this guy was actually doing something illegal. Nevertheless I hate all states that detain people like this.

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The American Century Is Over—Good Riddance – by Bacevich

Bacevich continues to knock it out of the park for me. I gave one of his books as a retirement gift to the Rev Hendry Idema this week. In this article he re-reads a Life article entitled “American Century” which appeared in the Feb 1941 issue.

“Luce’s essay manages to be utterly ludicrous and yet deeply moving. Above all, this canonical assertion of singularity—identifying God’s new Chosen People—is profoundly American. (Of course, I love Life in general. Everyone has a vice. Mine is collecting old copies of Luce’s most imaginative and influential creation—and, yes, my collection includes the issue of February 17, 1941.)” Bacevich from the linked article

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I was incorrect when I said I had finished reading Allen Ginsberg’s poem for his mother called “Kaddish.” Apparently it goes on for several more pages. I was fooled by the appearance of this poem (which I quite like).

“Hymmnn” – Allen Ginsberg
“In the world which He was created according to his will Blessed Praised

Magnified Lauded Exalted the Name of the Holy One Blessed is He!

In the house in Newark Blessed is He! In the madhouse Blessed is He! In the house of Death Blessed is He!

Blessed be he in homosexuality! Blessed be He in Paranoia! Blessed be He in the city! Blessed be He in the Book!

Blessed be He who dwells in the shadow! Blessed be He! Blessed be He!

Blessed be you Naomi in tears! Blessed be you Naomi in fears! Blessed Blessed Blessed in sickness!

Blessed be you Naomi in Hospitals! Blessed be you Naomi in solitude! Blest be your triumph! Blest be your bars! Blest be your last years’ loneliness!

Blest be your failure! Blest be your stroke! Blest be the close of your eye! Blest be the gaunt of your cheek! Blest be your withered thighs!

Blessed be Thee Naomi in Death! Blessed be Death! Blessed be Death!

Blessed be He Who leads all sorrow to Heaven! Blessed be He in the end I

Blessed be He who builds Heaven in Darkness! Blessed Blessed Blessed be He! Blessed be He! Blessed be Death on us All!”

Naomi is his mother’s name.

I was also quite taken with the penultimate section of the poem. Here’s some excerpts.

IV from Kaddish

O mother
what have I left out
O mother
what have I forgotten
O mother
farewell
with a long black shoe….

with your sagging belly
with your fear of Hitler
with your mouth of bad short stories
with your fingers of rotten mandolines
with your arms of fat Paterson porches
with your belly of strikes and smokestacks
with with your chin of Trotsky and the SpanishWar

Paterson is the city in New Jersey where William Carlos Williams lived most of his life. Paterson is also celebrated in his masterwork by the same name. Ginsberg ends this part of “Kaddish” with a beautiful section about  her eyes.

with your eyes
with your eyes of Russia
with your eyes of no money
with your eyes of false China….

with your eyes pissing in the park
with your eyes of America taking a fall
with your eyes of your failure at the piano
with your eyes Of Ma Rainey dying in an ambulance…

with your eyes being led away by policemen to an ambulance
with your eyes strapped down on the operating table
with your eyes with the pancreas removed
with your eyes of appendix operation
with your eyes of abortion
with your eyes of ovaries removed
with your eyes of shock
with your eyes of divorce
with your eyes of stroke
with your eyes alone
with your eyes
with your eyes
with your Death full of Flowers

Allen Gisberg’s mother, Naomi, played the mandolin and the piano. She suffered from some sort of madness. She did receive a lobotomy. I find  this poem quite beautiful.

I had lunch with Henry Idema this week. I discovered he has published two books. When I expressed interest he gave me copies of them. Last night I started reading his Freud, Religion, and the Roaring Twenties.

Henry is the assistant at my church. He is retiring next month. This book was based on his doctoral thesis at U of Chicago.

I read Freud as a young person. But I’m finding Henry’s clear prose is teaching me to understand Freud’s ideas better.

But more on that later, maybe.

I have now finished several volumes (1-5) of Neil Gaiman’s Sandman graphic novels. Some it is quite good. Some of it is okay.

I Moved your Cheese: For Those Who Refuse to Live as Mice in Someone Else’s Maze by Deepak Malhotra was offered as a discount kindle book recently. I bought it and read it. It’s kind of parable about being and action. It was okay.

I’m also about a third of the way into Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. It started out very weak, but now is going better. I  can’t tell if I’m developing a tolerance of her prose or if she improves as the book goes on.

I had a bad night last night.

I had aches and pains. I was sure I would get up with a bad cold but I don’t feel too bad right now. I have been pushing myself lately to get a lot done. I’m hoping that I just was sore because I didn’t have time to treadmill yesterday.

Today I have a ballet class to play for, meeting with my boss (something I look forward to) and a piano trio rehearsal.

At the rehearsal we will be working on the piece I wrote for us to play Sunday. The piano part is a bit challenging and I have been madly trying to learn it.

Music went very well at last night’s Ash Wed service.

The choir was very small. I put the organ behind them on the Brahms which could have been done a cappella if a few of the absent members had been there. It sounded very good in service.

My two Brahms’ organ pieces went well. Both of them were ones I don’t think I’ve every performed in public before: O Gott, du frommer Gott and O wie selig seid ihr doch, ihr Frommen by Johannes Brahms.

Brahms wrote these pieces near the end of his life after his muse, Clara Schumann, had died.

At her death, he was devastated and assumed he would never compose again. In fact, he wrote some lovely stuff which includes these pieces, some amazing piano pieces and the clarinet sonatas.

It’s been a hectic couple of days. But finally I have managed to get my Mom’s meds adjusted. Finished reading Allen Ginsberg’s Kaddish this morning. It’s in memory of his mother. Its images are stark and engaging. Apparently Ginsberg’s mother was mad. At least that’s the story in the poem.

I have been carting my Mom around in a wheelchair since she is falling so much and remains weak.

Hopefully the change in meds will take effect within a few days. If not, I’ll have to look into changing some of her other meds.

Images from the past few days:

The young nurse calls my Mom “Sweetheart” as she takes her blood pressure, pulse and blood oxygen level.

Then she labors over a computer screen and keeps apologizing to Mom and me for taking so long.

When I mentioned that the man we both knew had written a couple of books, the woman behind the desk said that she knew and that was another thing that they all found funny about him.

The big man in the cafeteria agreed with me that man hugs are sometimes appropriate. Neither of us moved.

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The Jerusalem Syndrome: Why Some Religious Tourists Believe They Are the Messiah | Wired Magazine | Wired.com

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Playboy Interview: Paul Krugman : Playboy.com

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Tomgram: Andrew Bacevich, Uncle Sam, Global Gangster | TomDispatch

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Jimmy Sabater, Master of Boogaloo, Dies at 75 – NYTimes.com

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Today is “Fat Tuesday” all over the world. People will party like there is no tomorrow this evening. This relaxation of normal mores that allows crazy behavior makes sense to me in many ways. But at my church, they are delaying the party until Saturday after Lent has begun.

This incoherence happened without my boss’s permission and was scheduled by highly educated intelligent people. It’s just another little incoherent piece that goes floating by.

Recently I linked in an article that pointed out that a good number of people receiving government benefits don’t realize they are government benefits.

Moochers Against Welfare – NYTimes.com

Then my brother Mark put up this link on Facebook:

Cornell Chronicle: Recipients of federal aid say they’re not

Nice ironic quote leads the article:

“Keep your government hands off my Medicare,” said a citizen attending a town hall meeting in Simpsonville, S.C., in 2009. Many Americans like him — who benefit from federal largesse but don’t realize it — favor deep cuts to government programs.

My wife passed the link along and then discovered that we have intelligent educated relatives who seem to fit the category of not realizing (admitting?) they are connected to the government they abhor by receiving benefits they seem to think should stop.

It seems incoherent to me. I’m pretty sure if I could have a face to face conversation with my relatives I would learn more about how it seems to them.

I have dozens of these incidents of incoherence of people who are “educated.”

I am reading a book on denial. It occurs to me that denial may come into play when people seem incoherent.

From my reading notes this morning: In early evolution stress response led to “fight or flight.”

After danger passed, body could relax but in modern situation, neither flight nor flight is called for and the brain is left to stew in stress response juices.

“While stress arousal is a fitting mode to meet emergency as an ongoing state it is a disaster.” p. 43 in Vital Lies, Simple Truths by Goleman

Tuning out threat is one way to short-circuit stress arousal… Goleman sees denial as a psychological equivalent to endorphin response to stress.

I thought about my experiences of educated incoherence when I read these lines from the poem, “HE HAS BEATEN ABOUT THE BUSH LONG ENOUGH”  by William Carlos Williams this morning.

the
slowly hardening

brain
of an academician
The most

that can be said
for it
is

That it has the crystal-
line pattern
of

new ice on
a country
pool

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Physicists Create a Working Transistor From a Single Atom – NYTimes.com

This science amazes me.

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Where the Boys Aren’t – NYTimes.com

I read Maureen Dowd articles, but rarely link them since they seem to be so light. But I liked her portrait of the movie star who became a nun in real life.

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In Sudan, Seeing Echoes of Darfur – NYTimes.com

Kristoff says to stay tuned: there is another terrible situation occurring.

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In 1963 William Carlos Williams won the Pulitzer Prize for poetry with his publication, Pictures from Brueghel. This morning I read the title poem. I picture the elderly, frail WCW pouring over the pictures, remembering seeing some of them in person and making his poems.

I like the quotation that WCW put in his book:

“… the form of a man’s rattle may be in accordance with instructions received in the dream by which he obtained his power.”

Frances Densmore, The Study of Indian Music

Reminds me of the important role dreams have played in my own life.

After reading poetry, I quickly turned to the final editing of the piece I have been working on. I have a full day today (Mom’s doctor appointment, a funeral to play at work and four ballet classes), so I didn’t read as long as I usually do.

I finished the string parts and know what I want to do with the keyboard articulations. You can see the articulations mostly in red above.

The choir nailed the Nigerian anthem yesterday. I really thought it was musical. They are also sounding pretty good on the Brahms and Mozart we are working on. One of the basses asked if we could try it A Capella. I love it when the singers get so involved in the sound.

The high school bongo player complained that we weren’t doing the triplet figure in the postlude together. I also love it when someone makes suggestions that improve performances. Which hers did. I had asked the choir to clap along. I also passed out my maracas and claves. My own part on the organ involved keeping the rhythm going in the manuals and playing a melody (with much different rhythms) in the pedals and other manuals. I asked the bongo player after the postlude if I managed to play the triplets correctly and she said I did. She has the sort of personality that I think she would have told me if I hadn’t.

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The Art of Distraction by HANIF KUREISHI – NYTimes.com

Haven’t finished reading this one yet, but I did read sections of it to Eileen yesterday.

I like the author’s attitude and ability to write prose and tell an interesting story.

“Biological determinism is one of psychology’s ugliest evasions, removing the poetic human from any issue.”

This is definitely my experience, that analysis can often miss the real essence of something.

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The End of American Intervention – NYTimes.com

Knowledgeable and informative article from James Traub.

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» Regret the Error | Poynter.

This is a blog that keeps track of errors in Journalism. Or at least that’s what I think it is. I bookmarked it for future reference.

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How Do We Know That Piracy Isn’t Really A Big Issue? Because Media Companies Still Haven’t Needed To Change As A Result Of It | Techdirt

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AllThingsD

AllThingsD.com is a Web site devoted to news, analysis and opinion on technology, the Internet and media. But it is different from other sites in this space. It is a fusion of different media styles, different topics, different formats and different sources

Another one I’m planning to check.

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E-books Can’t Burn by Tim Parks | NYRblog | The New York Review of Books

Thanks to brother Mark for pointing to this one…. Haven’t read yet, but plan to.

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