another personal update into the void


When I built my first web site year ago, I had in mind tapping in to a bigger conversation about ideas, music, books, poetry, art…. you name it.  I switched from designing my site from scratch to a template which has been problematic but allows comments. So a conversation was possible. 

I have always thought that daily updates online are important. I stop going back to sites that get stale. 

But I find myself more and more throwing out a personal update into the void. I  hope this isn’t the way this site stays. I still want to put up my compositions, recordings, sheet music and other made stuff. But at this point (maybe especially this week) I am pretty overwhelmed.

Yesterday I didn’t exactly manage much down time on my “day off” to think. I was on the phone with bankers, an opthamologist,  a lawyer, the office of my Mom’s shrinks and a car fixit place. All on behalf of my Mom and Dad. When I went over to check on Mom, I discovered that she is misbehaving with her drugs again. Once again I confiscated them all. This means that I have to go over each day and give her a day’s worth of pills.  My Mom is in a down part of her cycle. She basically just wants all her problems to disappear and finds mild sedatives an escape. I lectured her. I told her to get cleaned up and get dressed and go down and have coffee with the other ladies from the apartments. I told her to pray and read her bible. I told her not to go back to bed. Sheesh.  

Since she had taken 5 or 6 remeron tablets, I later contacted her psychiatrist to inform him (since he prescribed these). She has an appointment with her psychologist on Thursday. I am pretty stymied about how to help someone who doesn’t act like she wants help. But at the same time, I think she is acting out in an hysterical manner that is not quite a full fledged nervous breakdown. Both she and my Dad have manipulated me over and over in the past few years. I have allowed it because they were in such a predicament (of their own making). But now I believe I am paying for it since I reinforced their immature behavior by responding. 

Eileen took Mom back and forth to California for a visit with that branch of our family. When she came back she proceeded to withdraw and behave badly with meds. Eileen suspects (and she’s probably right) that Mom is gearing up to prevent me from taking my two scheduled trips (Calif in Apr & England in May). She’s probably right. Nevertheless I am not considering skipping these trips. 

I am still weighed down with managing my parents. I have to get their taxes done soon. My brother suggested herbal tea to help Mom convince herself she can rest at night (and not lay around all day), so I bought some yesterday. I will take it to her today.  

Actually Dad is pretty much out of the picture. His ebbing mental faculties (and his increasing physical fraility) have alerted me that I need to get all accounts out of his name. We have a year to do this after filing with medicaid. Not sure what happens if he dies first. 

So this week when I am very involved with the high school musical in Grand Haven, the proverbial shit is sort of hitting the fan.  I am trying to stay as balanced as possible in the face of all this stress. Yesterday I made sloppy joes for Eileen’s supper. She is having some physical stuff and is on a soft diet. I also spent some time with Mozart at the piano and on my CD player in the car. That helps. 

The rehearsal last night was pretty much a nightmare. We went past 10 PM. The teachers were making last minute decisions regarding cuts and scene change music. Very confusing. There were at least two tunes that I’m pretty sure we’ve never even gone through before.  When I left the teachers were conferring. Oy. We went all the way through the show last night and will do so again tonight. Some parts are solid, others are very under-rehearsed. My job is to keep the music going with the people on stage. It helps that I’ve been paid for some of my work already. 

Well if you’ve read this far, you can see what I mean about personal update into the void. I will get back to ideas and stuff. In the meantime, I’ll try to put something here every day for interested parties (mostly progeny but some friends as well I’m sure). 

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0 thoughts on “another personal update into the void

  1. Count me in. Yes, I read your blog because I’m interested. Even when you describe yourself as all dried up, you are curious, reflective, and (most awesomely) creative. I’m a biased source, but I like your blog a lot.

  2. Wow, the comments are going to work for me today! Get your name on the accounts – fast. You don’t have to take theirs off, just get yours on them. Believe me, it’ll save you tons of trouble.

    And, you’re not writing into the void. I’m here.

  3. Cool. I’m glad. I don’t know why you were having glitches before but I’m glad you’re back safe and sound and sassy!

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