yesterday's music and mom

Two strings and a piano are evidently insufficient as a postlude against the onslaught of chatter and relief of a group of people in a church who had been holding their breath throughout the first Sunday of Lent. It’s a shame, but not that big a shame.

I’m referring to yesterday’s performance of my little piece based on the closing hymn.  I am calmly satisfied today, but realize that much of the beauty seem to miss the mark yesterday. The beauty was there, I think, in the music and the prayers. That is sufficient for me.

The early Sunday morning found me at my silent keyboard, headphones on, carefully preparing my piano parts for the day. The performances later were similar as I reentered the quiet space of doing music. The Mozart piano trio went pretty well and was of course beautiful. But I was most proud of my performance of my piece, tucked in between the rushing conversations of people fleeing the room around me.

I made the piece too gentle and sublte for a postlude even though that was the title I gave it: “Postlude on Erhalt Uns.”  But our clear little performance of it was rewarding.

Maybe now I can return to some more composing.

I realize that I rarely perform for “audiences” at church. By “audience” I mean the silent conversation of energy between the listener, the composer and the performer. Instead music is tucked in between what people are doing or think they are doing at the time. We are more accustomed to invisible music. Music made by clever machines for dull ears doing something else.

Elevator music gone wild, blooming into a larger horror than ever imagined and offered to the unaware as they wait for the moment to stop and they get out.

Anyway, yesterday went very well. Eileen and I came home, grabbed something to eat and then went to check on my Mom at the nursing home. She was laying in bed fully clothed. She feels sheepish I think when we come in and she is in bed as usual even though her comfy chair has been repaired. She got up and sat it in it and chatted with us a while which is a good sign. Her main theme now is that her back hurts her quite a bit. This makes sense as we have tried to lower her confusion (increase her coherence and awareness?) and strengthen her by changing a dose in one of her pain meds.

When she was filling out (when I was helping her fill out) her intake form for her new psychologist, she indicated that she is lonely and depressed. Hopefully Eileen and/or I can pop over more often and just chat with her like we did yesterday. It does seem to raise her spirits a bit.


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