Jupe goes into a stall
Once in a while, I feel like I lose my usual motivation. Not passion, mind you, but motivation. These are days when I don’t get moving, I sit and read and play piano. The time passes very quickly and before I know it most of my day seems gone.
Yesterday was a bit like that. I see these “stalls” as possibly a correction provided by instinct.
My passions often drive me to what I’m practically certain is over functioning. I attempt to temper this with turning down my outward communication (body language and speaking) as much as I can. I probably fail in this.
Murray Bowen, the founder of the family systems approach to psychology, was described as having a gruff, non communicative manner. This makes sense if you, as Bowen did, believe that if we watch each other’s behavior close enough especially in relation to our position in our web of systems, we can reveal tons about ourselves that we would probably prefer not to telegraph.
Didn’t want to practice, did anyway
Part of being in a stall, is loss of motivation to prepare music I am planning to perform in public. I finally dragged myself over to church yesterday in the afternoon.
Beforehand I phoned my Mom’s nursing home. According to the person who answered the phone, they were still on lock down. The person on the phone had recently visited my Mom and reported that she was doing a bit better but was still not feeling well. I asked her to tell Mom hello and said I would skip the visit today and call tomorrow to see how things were going.
The Mom visit is often what I use to kick off my afternoon of practicing. It gets me going. Yesterday I motivated myself by deciding to read through some of Bach’s organ transcriptions. That got me over there and got me started. I managed to rehearse Sunday’s organ music and then gave up and came home.
practice versus passion playing
I rarely am unmotivated to play music, however. Yesterday in the midst of these slight doldrums, I played lots of music at home on the piano: CPE Bach, William Bolcolm, Scott Joplin. It’s hard to imagine not playing music, not so hard to imagine hiding in my living room from the world and seeking the beauty of music unfolding under my hands.
surrounded by sickies
Eileen is still not feeling well. We skipped our Friday night pizza. She basically has been sitting around playing with her phone.
In addition, Edison the cat has been acting out of sorts. He’s on a regimen of antibiotics, and although he seems to be getting better, he’s still not 100 %. Lots of sneezing and a bit of throwing up. I am surrounded by sickies
I continue reading this man’s book of interviews. Quote for today:
Over the past few centuries, our art-music culture has given performers less and less latitude in determining what notes to play or how. But since about 1800 our culture has also put far more emphasis on individual expression and creativity than in pre-Romantic times. Performers are supposed to express the composer’s emotions and intentions, not their own; but they are also supposed to be original, insightful, and creative.
A little inside talk.