Last night I had one of my anxiety dreams. I was playing for a large apparently Roman Catholic service. I had my harpsichord and had played a piece on it for the prelude. Unfortunately, this had ended way too early and there was time for more music. I thought maybe I could improvise on the first hymn if I could just find it in the hymnal. I began leafing through the hymnal.
The room was for some reason darkened. The congregation was very faceless and became more and more restless.
My anxiety was beginning to rise when I thought something like, “You know? Fuck it. I’m not going to play this anxiety game. I’m outta here. Goodby all.” Then I left the church.
Satisfying to think of on awakening.
Yesterday I had a funny thing happen to me in ballet class. I have been working on writing down an improvisation from last Friday. It seemed to have made an impression on the teacher and the class. Yesterday I repeated this improvisation during an Adage for the pointe class. I thought maybe the teacher at least would recognize it after her strong approbation last week. Nope.
Nobody said anything to me about it. Just shows to go you, I guess.
The music probably is not as important or as significant as I thought it was. No biggie. I still like playing. And I still will probably finish writing out the improvisation. It’s quite easy. I am thinking it might be something that would amuse my grandson, Nicholas, as he could play it probably on sight.
I like the statement in this editorial: “A civilized society should not be in the business of executing anybody.” Civilized or not, I believe that it is immoral for a state to kill. I know this is an opinion not many in our country share, but it has been mine for all my adult life.
My boss preached on “us and them” Sunday. I would link in her sermon but it’s not online yet. Charles Blow has some clear insight into the people who hate Obama and immigrants. They are losing power and they know it and are resisting.