Last night I had one of my anxiety dreams. I was playing for a large apparently Roman Catholic service. I had my harpsichord and had played a piece on it for the prelude. Unfortunately, this had ended way too early and there was time for more music. I thought maybe I could improvise on the first hymn if I could just find it in the hymnal. I began leafing through the hymnal.
The room was for some reason darkened. The congregation was very faceless and became more and more restless.
My anxiety was beginning to rise when I thought something like, “You know? Fuck it. I’m not going to play this anxiety game. I’m outta here. Goodby all.” Then I left the church.
Satisfying to think of on awakening.
Yesterday I had a funny thing happen to me in ballet class. I have been working on writing down an improvisation from last Friday. It seemed to have made an impression on the teacher and the class. Yesterday I repeated this improvisation during an Adage for the pointe class. I thought maybe the teacher at least would recognize it after her strong approbation last week. Nope.
Nobody said anything to me about it. Just shows to go you, I guess.
The music probably is not as important or as significant as I thought it was. No biggie. I still like playing. And I still will probably finish writing out the improvisation. It’s quite easy. I am thinking it might be something that would amuse my grandson, Nicholas, as he could play it probably on sight.
Will Texas Kill an Insane Man? – NYTimes.com
I like the statement in this editorial: “A civilized society should not be in the business of executing anybody.” Civilized or not, I believe that it is immoral for a state to kill. I know this is an opinion not many in our country share, but it has been mine for all my adult life.
Bigger Than Immigration – NYTimes.com
My boss preached on “us and them” Sunday. I would link in her sermon but it’s not online yet. Charles Blow has some clear insight into the people who hate Obama and immigrants. They are losing power and they know it and are resisting.
3 thoughts on “anxiety dream and jupe’s exaggerated sense of significance”
Is it possible to have an exaggerated sense of significance, while at the same time having an exaggerated sense of insignificance? Cause maybe THAT’S what you’ve got…
Very good. One of the things I have figured out about my own personality is that is one of struggle. I own the struggle. In fact, it’s who I am in many ways. I have a need to examine ideas and situations from many perspectives. This inevitably leads to cognitive dissonance and holding more than one conflicting idea in my head at once. “Living in the future is a lot like having bees in your head.” Firesign Theater
Well, that would tend to explain why you seem to like playing devil’s advocate all the time. Or, if I bring up X, you’ll explain how you really feel that Y is necessary to take into consideration here, and you believe X is overrated, but if I’m talking at a later date about Y, you’ll argue that one really can’t forget the importance of X, which has always been very crucial to your understanding of the issue, and anyway, Y has significant problems.
For someone who’s into consensus, it’s kind of maddening! But I’m starting to get it…